An upbeat dream

I was in a car driving in an urban area with an African-American man connected with music. We looked up and saw riders and cable cars on zip lines overhead. It seemed like something that would be fun to try. We arrived at an amusement park of some kind. A black female preschooler was with us and she wanted to find someone familiar.  "Who do you want?" I asked her to help her be happier. "Freddy!" she called out. Immediately, to her delight, a black guy came over to her and picked her up. We laughed at the happy development.

Next I was at a mansion belonging to a successful R&B or hip hop artist. He was setting up with a small combo that included one or two guitarists with Fender guitars. They seemed open to me sitting in but I told them I only wished to listen and check out their music. They began to play some tasteful funk music including one song that reminded me of early Elvis Presley rockabilly (which seems contradictory but that's how it was). I was grooving joyously, so much so I started dancing all around the sprawling room, even doing agile cartwheels and gymnastic moves until they decided to stop. I was pleased with my remarkable dancing and I complimented the leader on their sounds.  We were discussing how people love to diss musicians and I commented, "If you were Mozart and you wrote a new symphony, people would say, 'That's the worst shit I ever heard."

Ogden Park Crawl debriefing

Yesterday (Saturday, September 24), I was scheduled to play a 45-minute solo set at the Ogden Park Crawl, a cool neighborhood party that has become a successful annual event. This was an opportunity for me to extend the self-karaoke method I piloted at Live Wire in Athens a few months back. On that occasion, I used two of my own prerecorded songs, Come on and The road only passes one way, as back-up music, removing the vocals and lead guitar tracks and performing them live. That experiment went well and I was looking forward to delivering a strong performance in a longer set.

I put a considerable amount of time into selecting and improving the prerecorded tracks. The final set list (* indicates original songs):

*Champions of the Universe                          2:52

*Teeth of the Wind                                        3:48

*Successful, professional white guy              2:25

*No money down (Chuck Berry) E                  4:42

Making a Stand                                               2:33

Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag                         3:16

*Born Under a Bad Sign                                 4:37

*Dust My Flying Saucer                                  2:48

*Come on                                                        4:20

*Dynaflow Club                                               2:21

*Train Kept a Rolling                                      5:39

TOTAL                                                             ~39

*Runaway Train Wreck (F# Encore)                 4:14

I was pressed for time to practice the songs but managed to go over all of them enough that I felt confident I could pull them off credibly at the gig. I also had a good plan for the equipment I would take including two Stratocasters (one tuned to open G), my Fender amp, Macbook with Ogden Park Playlist of back up tracks (above) separated by 15 second blank tracks to keep the songs from transitioning too quickly, Shure wireless transmitter, an assortment of adapters to convey my tracks to the venue PA system in stereo through one cable, and a large floor fan to combat the still brutal summer heat.

I arrived with plenty of time to unload my gear next to the little improvised stage extended ahead of the front porch of a house on Bedford Avenue. The act ahead of me were two young African-American women who performed some very enjoyable Indie folk-style songs with great skill and passion. The PA sounded good although the sound guy was running back and forth between multiple venues and wasn’t present when adjustments needed to be made.

I was expecting to plug my computer directly into the mixer via one stereo line. However, the sound guy had a different interface that was not what I expected. I was concerned the way he had it set everything up would not carry both channels of my mp3s. I plugged into his box and tried one of my tracks, Born under a bad sign, through the PA. I thought it sounded fine and I was good to go. The sound guy moved on to his next stop and I started with my retro instrumental, Champions of the Universe. It was immediately evident I was only getting one channel through the PA, which as Brian Breen said, “sounded like shit.”  Brian and I conferred and Brian texted the sound guy to summon him back. He neither replied nor showed up and it was evident I had to come up with Plan B. It occurred to me I could open my Garageband tracks and reset the stereo controls on each separate instrument track so everything was centered.  This was cumbersome but it worked. The only problem, it disrupted my concentration and took a lot of time transitioning between songs. The set list went out the window and I played the following out of order:

Teeth of the Wind,

Successful, professional white guy,

No money down,

Dust my flying saucer,

Born under a bad sign,

Come on,

Dynaflow Club, and

Train kept a rollin’.

I made numerous mistakes due to having to think too much although I believe I had some good moments, too.  It was good to see friends listening although I wish I could have done better for them. Despite the problems, I’ve laid some good foundation for future efforts. The other take-away: Always have a sound engineer who understands your music operating the PA.

One final ride

Song idea: In the flood, coffins are popping up out of the ground and floating away. The song would be from the perspective of the dead person being surprised and enjoying getting to sail around until his coffin is retrieved and reburied.

Intervention of the gods

In Homer's world, every significant human outcome is mediated by a god's intervention. How can a thoughtful contemporary person relate to this idea?

Every significant human outcome is mediated by factors outside the control of the human actors. It could be the Olympian gods or it could be the unfolding in time of the complex Universe.

The rage of Achilles

I asked LeRoy Percy why people have admired Achilles over the millennia.

"He has charisma. And secretly all of us have those same desires."

I had thought the same thing. Achilles was the biggest, strongest, meanest, most athletic and he did exactly as he pleased. He took nothing off of anyone and told off anyone including his commander, Agamemnon, the chief of kings of the Argives. When he was treated unjustly by Agamemnon, Achilles literally took his toys, went home and refused to come out and play.

All of us would like to have what Achilles had, the gifts to excel in the arenas of power and status, the latitude to do with impunity whatever we wish, and the luxury of being admired by everyone. And yet in spite of having it all Achilles is not happy. Why? Because even the gods can't rescue him from the constraints of being a mortal human. He must submit to Fate.

Achilles lament (Iliad 16)

O Patroclus, I wish to Father Zeus

And to Athena and Apollo

That all of them, Greeks and Trojans alike,

Every last man on Troy’s dusty plain,

Were dead, and only you and I were left
To rip Ilion down, stone by sacred stone.

In the best societies there are malcontents. In the worst, all except the elite are intensely dissatisfied.

In humanity's objective world of things, pragmatism dictates the need for social order and the importance of physical security, material comfort, status, power and influence. Naturally a large percentage of human effort is devoted to developing and holding on to those desirable yet  elusive, dynamic conditions. Order is created and people of initiative, talent and good fortune achieve success; but, no order is perfectly just and most leave masses of people in a state of oppression, misery, and want.

Examples: Slaves in USA prior to the Civil War; African-American citizens in USA today; Bottom 50% in annual income of US citizens today; US citizens without health insurance today, economically disadvantaged immigrants in Europe.

The haves tend to be ignorant and unconcerned about the have nots, who eventually must choose between passive acceptance, passive resistance, active rebellion, or becoming refugees.

If the focus is expanded beyond national borders, countries most exposed to immediate dangers due to climate change, ethnic conflicts, corrupt government etc., the response from many of the haves is, "Too bad, it's not my problem" or "Yes, but what is one to do?"

There are exceptions, of course, e.g., the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

Original Aphorisms for the Day

Human beings tend to believe my world is THE world.

Education is the cure for everything.

The Homeric "heroes"

I'm preparing to teach the Iliad for the third consecutive Fall semester. I've never been impressed by Achilles or the Olympian gods. Virtually all the males considered rape an appropriate way to satisfy their lust for beautiful women and boys. The gods led pointless lives, amusing themselves by watching and adding to the sufferings of humans. Only Hector impresses me as a noble psyche.

What I would now say is they are realistically human. All display unselfconscious narcissistic attachment to their identities.

The game is over and I won

In a sense that's how it feels. The prize for winning is bonus time where I have the freedom to do whatever I want to within the constraints operating on me. Everything humans know about operates under constraints, does it not? But I have fewer constraints and more freedom, the goals of the game having been achieved. I've lived long enough and worked successfully enough to retire on my resources and I still have considerable health and capability remaining. This is the meaning of the dream with the mental hospital and the little boy speaking German.

The upshot here is this: Whatever else happens to me in this life is OK, even if I die later on today or the bad things I've managed to avoid should befall me at some point. It's all a gift and I have no cause for complaint, just gratitude.

It's not difficult to refrain from talking aloud

Why is it so difficult to refrain from talking silently to oneself?

Talking silently or aloud detaches us from directly experiencing and creates a secondary, illusory verbal world where we experience being a self, a person feeling things, having thoughts and engaging in actions. This verbal world is a story, an imaginary place where human beings live in what they call reality. When we cease talking to ourselves, the secondary world disappears and that's scary!

The kindness of Fate (2)

I have to note here the fact of numerous advantages and mercies bestowed on me by X (capital x, Fate, God, the Universe, whoever or whatever is in charge) does not equate with having it easy, except physically. I've experienced significant difficulty with guilt, shame, anxiety, dysthymia, depressive episodes, PTSD symptoms and occasional psychotic states at many points in my life. Frequently there was a major mismatch between my emotional state and my cognitive set. More days than not, I made myself do what needed to be done, even though I was tired, emotionally numb or worse, and not feeling it. At one critical moment perhaps 20 years ago when I was undergoing a horrible rebound from an unsuccessful trial of an SSRI, I came very close to jumping off the Mississippi River Bridge on I-10! How grateful I am I didn't do it. I will acknowledge I haven't had to endure severe pain, imprisonment, disability, hunger, severe chronic illness or other common burdens of fate... so far.

I've worked very hard to develop coping skills that allow me to manage anxiety and depression and take care of necessary business. Today, the pressure of making a living is significantly reduced, eliminated even, and I am living more comfortably than ever before. I made it to this point by a determined effort and the sine qua non, the assistance of forces beyond my control. My most sincere thank you to any responsible agency.

How much credit do I deserve for my own success? Honestly I don't know. Contrary to what almost everyone believes, the universe doesn't revolve around homo sapiens, much less me. Therefore, I believe it's wise to be humble and not overly attached to ones identity. We experience ourselves as having free will but stepping back and considering what I know, it looks more like the entire universe is just a vast process of unfolding forces and structures. My working belief is that every person is "doing the best he or she can," making decisions and taking actions based upon conscious and unconscious neurologically controlled processes that makes sense at each moment in time. The efforts of scientists to figure out the universe impress me to a certain degree but can they ever explain how anything came to be in the first place? At bottom, it's all mysterious as far as I can tell.

Let me count the ways

Fate has treated me kindly:

For starters (just hitting the high points)-

-Born into safe, nurturing circumstances with a high degree of personal freedom.
-Two kind, nurturing, intelligent, highly educated parents who provided comfortably for my basic needs and set an example of rational and ethical behavior and showed me what a committed relationship looks like.
-Born with demographics of privilege (white, male, Southern US, Protestant)
-Exposed to educationally enriching experiences (books, public schools, surrounded by intelligent people who valued learning.
-Gifted with very high intelligence, curiosity, warmth, empathy and an open-mind.
-Enjoyed close friendships from an early age (Max Clark, Howard Pomerantz, Benjy Anderson)
-Enjoyed positive social milieu from an early age (neighbors, school peers)
-Exposed to good music (swing and Dixieland as well as pop and light classics) by my Mom at an early age.
-Learned basics of formal music in elementary school band
-Exposed to different social cultures through living in Maryland for 3rd and 4th grade years)
-Experienced opportunities to earn money through paper route and concession work at UGA games
-Was able to take up guitar during elementary school and purchase a good electric guitar with earnings
-Grew up in perfect timing with the British Invasion, garage rock, Bob Dylan, and psychedelic creativity.
-Learned to play bass in my first band, The Wages of Sin, with Jim Ball, Reginald McBride and others.
-Was mentored by Crist Kocher in the cutting edge music of the late 60's.
-Found a wonderful countercultural peer group in high school.
-Survived my experiments with alcohol and drugs without being killed or injured or killing/injuring someone else through my actions.
-Was spared the trauma of warfare, poverty, natural disaster, sexual assault, early death of parents, serious illnes and other extreme stressors many have to endure.
-Had the opportunity to play in bands including full time with the Zambo Flirts for two years
-Stumbled upon Man and his symbols by Carl Jung and was directed toward the field of psychology.
-Studied Beat the dealer by Edward O. Thorpe and played blackjack in Las Vegas and Grand Bahama with Scott Thurman, helping me realize I needed to use my intelligence to my advantage moving forward.
-Managed to salvage my college career and get into graduate school in Clinical Psychology.
-Received graduate training in a program with enlightened leadership (Jon Krapfl, Don Hake, Barry Edelstein).
-Trained in assessment and treatment of PTSD with Terry Keane and Jon Fairbank in Jackson, MS during internship 1981-82.
-Married a sincere, capable and reliable partner who shares my core values.
-My three daughters are all healthy, talented, caring people who have made it to productive adulthood without major setbacks.
-Enjoyed a successful career as a clinical psychologist, making a high income and doing good rather than harm.
-Developed knowledge and understanding through my professional practice, independent studies, and personal experiences.
-Enjoyed remarkable health and excellent health care through the age of 64.
-Enjoyed the benefits of having two parents through age 54 and my mother through age 62.
-Am in a position of no longer needing to earn money, allowing me to do whatever I choose with my time.
-Been able to devote considerable time to playing, composing and recording music since August 2005 when I decided to take up disciplined guitar practice again.
-Been fortunate to play with quality musicians in both Athens and Baton Rouge since 2005.
-Recently have had a number of unexpected opportunities to perform my own original songs and arrangements for live audiences.
-Had the opportunity to teach Honors 2000 (Critical Analysis) at LSU four years as of this writing and benefitted from the books, lectures, contacts with visiting authors and interactions with students.
-Lived in the era of the Internet with incredible technology of communication and information