I got up with Mary Lou at 7am after sleeping 7 hours. She went to the gym as usual. About 8am, I felt sleepy and went got back in bed. I fell asleep again and woke up around 10am, after having anxiety dreams. Trying to remember now, several hours later, I was in a driving in bad weather, snow or frozen streets, and trying to figure out how to tow another small vehicle that itself was pulling something on a rope. Talking to Mary Lou about how we needed to organize the vehicles and tow loads. The last thing I vaguely remember is my vehicle going uphill colliding with someone coming down the hill in the opposite direction. I was relieved to wake up and realize I wouldn't have to report the accident and deal with repairs and insurance.
Yesterday I had a morning dream of being in the kitchen at my parents' house and trying to fix a bowl of cereal. I couldn't find the cereal box and someone had put something heavy on the bananas I wanted to use, mashing them. I was quite perturbed at all of this. It seems like people were working on renovations in the kitchen while all this was going on.
Today I'm still sleepy and generally listless here at 1:30pm. I didn't feel like doing anything except working with my newest song, a catchy jazz shuffle, on acoustic guitar. I remember lying in bed with thoughts about how human society works and why people are unnecessarily self-centered. I'm out of Adderall because I had a 30 day supply in a 31 day month and the refill says it can't be filled until tomorrow (January 28). It's been raining hard all morning. I plan to take my Adderall refill to CVS and see what they say. I've agreed to host a live music event at Mid-City at 530pm but the weather may cause it to be cancelled. We shall see.
The dreams seem to reflect my being apathetic and annoyed with life and the human race, even though I'm well aware of how amazingly good I have it in terms of freedom, health, material comfort and financial security. I've been working on plans for our summer trip to Spain and France the past two days. How many people have that sort of opportunity? Only the affluent.
Saturday, January 27, 2018
Sunday, January 21, 2018
Surrealist stream of consciousness narrative written during my junior year of high school (1969-1970)
(After all our Christmas guests departed, Mary Lou decided to clear out the attic storage space accessed through our bedroom. We pulled out some boxes containing papers and mementos of mine. Below is my transcription of a narrative I'd written in pencil on both sides of a sheet of notebook paper. It was one of the few examples of writing I was satisfied with back then. I showed it to David Brown in our German class, knowing he'd appreciate it. His response was, "Why can't things be like this?")
The road stretched off into the mouth of a black snake on the horizon and I walked slowly seeing all the flowers of blue stone by the wayside eating their dog biscuits for holy sacraments and I took off flying into the purple flat sky sailing higher than God and on into the infinite void of a topaz ring on a queen's finger and then drifting back, back to the golden earth into a white sea and down to the sand castles of Poseidon all jade and ivory and dancing with sharks and jellyfish until the music of the fish dashed to the far shore and I was thrown out of the depths up to the mountain top among the sparse trees and the nest of the eagle and the flight through the dream laden sky, opal stars turning and the head of Jeff Beck atop the tallest stone column in the universe benevolently smiling on the domain of his guitar and I dance around the column to the salty notes of his Les Paul and I become a cat climbing the sides of the stone tower but it turned to a tree and Beck's head became green leaves, the stars melted into a flowing pool, and I swam out across the dark clouds until I was drunken and drowning in the scarlet fumes and the night jumped and sang and the trees turned slowly into gravestones each with no name or date and each a thousand feet tall, and the grass sprang upward and I was in an auditorium watching the speech of Adolf Hitler and I cheered and screamed and Hitler became a bird and he flew out the window until the auditorium burst into flames and everybody was seared and like the Phoenix I leaped out and ran into the grassy fields and kissed trees and the mountains wore away and I played on my lute seeing the trees dance to my song and the Universe sang and played and then everything turned to glass and every step I took broke millions of delicate crystal pieces and soon the broken pieces cut my feet and the blood flowed out washing the glass world red and then green as it became water and ice again
The road stretched off into the mouth of a black snake on the horizon and I walked slowly seeing all the flowers of blue stone by the wayside eating their dog biscuits for holy sacraments and I took off flying into the purple flat sky sailing higher than God and on into the infinite void of a topaz ring on a queen's finger and then drifting back, back to the golden earth into a white sea and down to the sand castles of Poseidon all jade and ivory and dancing with sharks and jellyfish until the music of the fish dashed to the far shore and I was thrown out of the depths up to the mountain top among the sparse trees and the nest of the eagle and the flight through the dream laden sky, opal stars turning and the head of Jeff Beck atop the tallest stone column in the universe benevolently smiling on the domain of his guitar and I dance around the column to the salty notes of his Les Paul and I become a cat climbing the sides of the stone tower but it turned to a tree and Beck's head became green leaves, the stars melted into a flowing pool, and I swam out across the dark clouds until I was drunken and drowning in the scarlet fumes and the night jumped and sang and the trees turned slowly into gravestones each with no name or date and each a thousand feet tall, and the grass sprang upward and I was in an auditorium watching the speech of Adolf Hitler and I cheered and screamed and Hitler became a bird and he flew out the window until the auditorium burst into flames and everybody was seared and like the Phoenix I leaped out and ran into the grassy fields and kissed trees and the mountains wore away and I played on my lute seeing the trees dance to my song and the Universe sang and played and then everything turned to glass and every step I took broke millions of delicate crystal pieces and soon the broken pieces cut my feet and the blood flowed out washing the glass world red and then green as it became water and ice again
Thursday, January 11, 2018
Mom's estate
I was just assured by Scott Collins, the CPA working on Mom's estate, he would have final figures for distribution of the remaining money in Mom's estate. The amount in the estate account is $x but I lent Roy Bell $x to finish Mom's house and gave $x to another friend who was mired in debt. That may take care of my share since I'm entitled to an executor's fee, with the remainder going 1/3 to me, 1/3 to my sister, Scottie, and 1/9 each to Ed Merry, Scott Merry, and Natalie Merry Pathwick. Scott Collins had told he it would be completed by November. He didn't respond to my recent emails, causing me to have mild concerns, but he took my call today and said he'd been sick. He promised to get it done by the middle of next week and that it would not cause us to have another estate return to file in 2018. We'll see. I want to complete my responsibility to my parents and the heirs so we can all move on. I'm grateful every day for my parents, the large inheritance we all received from them being only one tangible aspect of their love and benevolent influence.
Wednesday, January 10, 2018
Three posts about UGA football in 3 days
OK, I had an interesting dream this morning. It's late so I'll go with bullet points.
-I was riding as a passenger in a car at one point driven by Lauren Scott.
-She was being coached through a complicated and stressful uphill highway exchange by a State Policeman who was also in the car.
-My Mom was along as well. At another point in the dream, Lauren was trying to kiss Mom. I thought this was sweet but instead of a normal kiss, Lauren had her tongue stuck out to an exaggerated degree. It wasn't clear what Lauren was thinking. Someone, me or other people, were telling Lauren not to do that.
-In addition to all the people above (and some other family members who didn't have distinct roles in the dream, there was a black cat in the car. It was an average looking mixed breed cat that seemed comfortable riding along. I made a joke that my Mom had only one grandchild and it was a cat. I realized when I awoke that what I meant was one great-grandchild, since my mother had six grandchildren.
Does this dream have any significance? I haven't thought about it today and it's too late for me to give it serious thought. I'll revisit the dream tomorrow (I hope). I want to start writing regularly. I've been fairly productive this week but have a backlog of neglected tasks to catch up on.
-I was riding as a passenger in a car at one point driven by Lauren Scott.
-She was being coached through a complicated and stressful uphill highway exchange by a State Policeman who was also in the car.
-My Mom was along as well. At another point in the dream, Lauren was trying to kiss Mom. I thought this was sweet but instead of a normal kiss, Lauren had her tongue stuck out to an exaggerated degree. It wasn't clear what Lauren was thinking. Someone, me or other people, were telling Lauren not to do that.
-In addition to all the people above (and some other family members who didn't have distinct roles in the dream, there was a black cat in the car. It was an average looking mixed breed cat that seemed comfortable riding along. I made a joke that my Mom had only one grandchild and it was a cat. I realized when I awoke that what I meant was one great-grandchild, since my mother had six grandchildren.
Does this dream have any significance? I haven't thought about it today and it's too late for me to give it serious thought. I'll revisit the dream tomorrow (I hope). I want to start writing regularly. I've been fairly productive this week but have a backlog of neglected tasks to catch up on.
Email to Maureen re an article she sent me about Georgia losing the NC game
Good article, thanks for sharing it. I love this team, probably my favorite ever including the national championship team with Herschel. The players have great character and devotion to their teammates, as well as tremendous athletic ability.They gave us a lot of enjoyment with all those rivalry wins, beating Oklahoma and taking Alabama to OT in the NC game. I'm mostly sad for them to do so well and come so close.
I went to the bank to order some Euros I need and was talking to the bank officer about the game. He was a black guy, very well-spoken and professional, who had been a very talented high school player. He signed with LSU but injured his back before the first season and had to give up the sport. We talked about how hard that was to adjust to suddenly losing your gift and future dreams. People who have gotten through something like that and become successful are in a position to help others going through those hard times.
To me, the game really came down to blown assignments by two guys (Parish and Sanders) on the last play. The players are human- they're going to make mistakes sometimes. Dominick Sanders has been an outstanding defensive back for 4 years, tied for the career lead in interceptions and I'm sure he's very pained by his part in it. Giving your best effort leads to overall success but it doesn't mean you'll win every single time. You learn to take wins and losses in stride and keep going.
Player, coach or fan, you can't help but have a lot of emotions about a tough, roller coaster ride loss. Ironically, the closer your team comes to winning it all before losing, the harder it is to be OK with it. However, I'm doing fine with it. Aside from having worked all my life to be philosophical about ups and downs, there's every reason to be optimistic about the future with Kirby Smart being head coach. We'll be back but I'll always keep in mind that it's only a game.
Love,
Dad
I went to the bank to order some Euros I need and was talking to the bank officer about the game. He was a black guy, very well-spoken and professional, who had been a very talented high school player. He signed with LSU but injured his back before the first season and had to give up the sport. We talked about how hard that was to adjust to suddenly losing your gift and future dreams. People who have gotten through something like that and become successful are in a position to help others going through those hard times.
To me, the game really came down to blown assignments by two guys (Parish and Sanders) on the last play. The players are human- they're going to make mistakes sometimes. Dominick Sanders has been an outstanding defensive back for 4 years, tied for the career lead in interceptions and I'm sure he's very pained by his part in it. Giving your best effort leads to overall success but it doesn't mean you'll win every single time. You learn to take wins and losses in stride and keep going.
Player, coach or fan, you can't help but have a lot of emotions about a tough, roller coaster ride loss. Ironically, the closer your team comes to winning it all before losing, the harder it is to be OK with it. However, I'm doing fine with it. Aside from having worked all my life to be philosophical about ups and downs, there's every reason to be optimistic about the future with Kirby Smart being head coach. We'll be back but I'll always keep in mind that it's only a game.
Love,
Dad
Tuesday, January 9, 2018
The comment I couldn't post on Mark Bradley's article "If you thought you’d seen this UGA loss before ... well, you had"
True that, Mark.
Astonishing number of mindless comments which I choose not to read much less respond to. Why anyone wastes time responding to trolls is beyond me but I hope the numbers look good to your editors, Mark haha.
Nick Saban was smart to change QBs which really wasn't a big surprise and it wasn't the reason Georgia lost, either. After a brilliant first half, the coaches became too cautious, stopped giving Sony touches; but, the team still managed to be in position to win because we have great players with great character. Parrish and Sanders (who holds Georgia's career interception record), two experienced seniors, blew their coverage on the last play (CB didn't bump the receiver, S didn't protect his zone) making it a long but easy throw and catch. I'm sure they're extremely bummed about it but they're human and they gave it their best. So we had two evenly matched teams, one titanic struggle, better coaching by Bama in the 2nd half, and, blown coverage on the critical play and we got beaten. Still a great season, way beyond expectations. Georgia is reloading, lessons will be learned, and we will be back. Win or lose, it's always great to be a Georgia Bulldog but you have to be one to know. Later, Dawgs, life goes on.
Astonishing number of mindless comments which I choose not to read much less respond to. Why anyone wastes time responding to trolls is beyond me but I hope the numbers look good to your editors, Mark haha.
Nick Saban was smart to change QBs which really wasn't a big surprise and it wasn't the reason Georgia lost, either. After a brilliant first half, the coaches became too cautious, stopped giving Sony touches; but, the team still managed to be in position to win because we have great players with great character. Parrish and Sanders (who holds Georgia's career interception record), two experienced seniors, blew their coverage on the last play (CB didn't bump the receiver, S didn't protect his zone) making it a long but easy throw and catch. I'm sure they're extremely bummed about it but they're human and they gave it their best. So we had two evenly matched teams, one titanic struggle, better coaching by Bama in the 2nd half, and, blown coverage on the critical play and we got beaten. Still a great season, way beyond expectations. Georgia is reloading, lessons will be learned, and we will be back. Win or lose, it's always great to be a Georgia Bulldog but you have to be one to know. Later, Dawgs, life goes on.
Monday, January 8, 2018
It's only a game
After a promising start in the national championship game, Georgia fell a little short. Although I would have loved for the Dawgs to win, at this point in my life, I am able to accept the outcome of a sporting event without excessive anguish. There is no shame in losing if you gave your best. Georgia's team had a great spirit and it achieved beyond everyone's expectations. Sports and other games serve many constructive purposes but they are of no ultimate consequence. Like all endeavors, you strive to achieve a goal; and, success depends not only on your efforts but on many factors beyond your control. The Bulldogs didn't fail- they succeeded at a high level.
I'm glad Christmas and the football season are finally over. I hope I am able to regain momentum in my life this year. I've been making an effort to care and to do what needs to be done, to take care of business. I hope to break the habit of getting up in the morning, getting a bowl of cereal, and sitting in my chair in the living room for hours reading the news and the sports and engaging with my friends on Facebook. That has merit and there are much worse ways a person can spend his time; but, I've been avoiding dealing with my life infrastructure and creating a stronger base of operations. I hope to stop viewing my life in pessimistic terms, like my mother at the end of her long life when she said, "We're all just waiting to die." She had a right to say that because there was so little left she could do. She was well over 90 at the time and she stayed engaged as long as she possibly could. I'm 65 and in good health. I have freedom and resources that many people never experience. I'm ready to get on with 2018.
I'm glad Christmas and the football season are finally over. I hope I am able to regain momentum in my life this year. I've been making an effort to care and to do what needs to be done, to take care of business. I hope to break the habit of getting up in the morning, getting a bowl of cereal, and sitting in my chair in the living room for hours reading the news and the sports and engaging with my friends on Facebook. That has merit and there are much worse ways a person can spend his time; but, I've been avoiding dealing with my life infrastructure and creating a stronger base of operations. I hope to stop viewing my life in pessimistic terms, like my mother at the end of her long life when she said, "We're all just waiting to die." She had a right to say that because there was so little left she could do. She was well over 90 at the time and she stayed engaged as long as she possibly could. I'm 65 and in good health. I have freedom and resources that many people never experience. I'm ready to get on with 2018.
Sunday, January 7, 2018
Comment on AJC article comparing Nick Saban and Kirby Smart
Nick Saban is an incredible college football coach, certainly the most successful of the current era. As a natural born Dawg living in Baton Rouge when Saban coached LSU, I had a chance to talk to people who had experience with Saban. My favorite story was from a doctor who got to take his son to the team meal before a game. They were enjoying the ambience when Saban arrived. As soon as Saban came into the dining hall, all the players had to stop talking, stand up silently, and wait for him to be seated until they could sit and resume their meals and conversations. I'm not sure Kirby has an ego quite that big. It's impossible to be more football-centered and determined to win than Saban. LSU fans are extremely fanatical and I used to say Saban was the only coach LSU would ever have who wants to win more than the Tigers' fans. Me being a mental health professional, the first time I saw Saban interviewed on the local news, I was worried about him because he was so lacking affect, he seemed joyless and depressed. I came to realize what I saw was a person who is serious as a heart attack when it comes to winning football. I would agree Saban sees Kirby as a younger verion of himself. The fact he liked Kirby so much says Kirby matched him in focus, determination and competence. From watching Kirby on TV and video, CKS seems like a happier person, the one I'd prefer to have a beer with or have my team (or my son if I had one) coached by. Hats off to Saban for his accomplishments. Go Dawgs! We have a great shot to win this one.
Wednesday, January 3, 2018
Thinking about writing rather than writing
I write this blog 'to whom it may concern' with the idea that my words will be out there as long as there's an Internet or a recording of the Internet when advances in technology replace it with something else humans find preferable. I have many thoughts and thoughts about writing the thoughts but I'm going through a period where the thoughts never find their way onto this blog or any other medium. I hope I'm able to get back to generating an ongoing record.
Thoughts on the USA (from a comment on a Facebook post)
The United States of America is a beautiful and noble idea imperfectly realized, an ideal to strive toward knowing we'll pass the unfinished work to the next generation with hope they inherit the vision.
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