Goals

Christmas has come and gone once more. I surprised Mary Lou yesterday by removing the decorations from our tree, organizing them for storage, dragging the tree around to the curb and sweeping up the copious pine needles both inside and outside. ML expressed "shock" when she arrived home from the gym. By lunchtime, all of our Christmas gear was packed in red plastic bins and stored in an attic closet. 

Christmas observances went smoothly. Jenny arrived a week ahead of time and Jane, who had undergone successful surgery for colon cancer, showed up for dinner at our house along with Mary O'Brian and the Phams. I managed to get useful birthday and Christmas gifts for ML (a vibrating heating pad and wireless earbuds) that she found pleasing.

I think a great deal while doing rather little. I just read an ESPN article about how Kirby Smart built the highly successful football program at UGA. It's all about relentless, disciplined pursuit of an overriding goal- to win National Championships. Tremendous sustained effort to learn and execute at a high level is demanded and required as is the case for any successful endeavor. I contrast this with the minimal motivation and effort I've exerted since retiring on July 2019.  My focus has become taking care of myself and our small world.. Relatively little effort, energy and creative problem-solving is required  Meanwhile the clock is ticking with no way to know when the buzzer will sound,

Mike Leach is dead.

Leach, the famously eccentric, creative, inquisitive, and influential football coach who developed the Air Raid offense, died at age 61 from a heart condition. "The future's uncertain/the end is always near." Jim Morrison. 

Jane Kelley and recurring dreams

Jane called Mary Lou this morning (written before Christmas)to report that she's been hospitalized for a bowel obstruction. Ominously, her doctor warned her the likely cause is colon cancer. If so, Jane is likely to die due to failing to get the colonoscopies recommended as standard preventive care. Jane called me about feeding her cats which I've done in the past and am happy to do. One can only hope this isn't the final chapter in the long, sad story of her life.

I continue to dream actively although I haven't written any down recently. This morning I had an elaborate dream as I awoke around 7am and another one when I went back to sleep for an hour. In the first one, I was riding a fancy new motorcycle in an unfamiliar city. Mary Lou and others were supposed to be following me in a car but I got ahead of them. I pulled to the curb to wait for them to catch up and some young men approached me. An Hispanic guy named Carlos engaged me in a conversation. He had a direct and self-confident manner. I wasn't particularly fearful but I wondered if these men intended to rob or assault me. I can't recall the conversation now except for me asking Carlos to tell me his name again. Then, another group of white guys who seemed to be a macho gang or club of some kind appeared and started dancing around on the sidewalk and in the street. The general feeling of the dream was being alone and disconnected from my support people in a vaguely threatening situation. 

In the second dream, I was still in an unfamiliar city but this time I was in a car that had an open sun roof. I was again trying to link up with Mary Lou to find my way to the route that took us back to a house in the countryside where we'd been staying. I thought about just trying my luck finding the route but decided this was a bad idea. I attempted to call Mary Lou on my cell phone but I couldn't get the phone app to come up despite frantic efforts. A black guy named George was standing up in the car with his upper body going through the sun roof. I asked him to call Mary Lou and called out her supposed number (which wasn't her real life number). George didn't seem to be in a hurry to call her and I continued to fiddle with my phone as various unhelpful screens came up. One or two screens had lines of code. I felt frustrated and a bit anxious. This situation didn't feel threatening as the people in my car seemed to be innocuous. When I woke up, I couldn't recall ML's phone number and had to check it to refresh my memory,

Simplicity and confusion

My life used to be busy and complicated with work, children, music and convoluted relationships. Now, it's simple. I sleep as long as I want to, lie down and get up when I feel like it, take my medication, stick to a simple eating routine, read news I'm interested in (especially Ukraine's war with Russia on Twitter), buy groceries and putter in the yard. I still play music and engage with Facebook and Instagram but far less intensively than in times past. I spend most of my time at home, much of it alone. My actions, as far as they go, are healthy and constructive, but I feel apathetic as I make myself take care of business. I nurture my marriage and perform necessary household chores. I'm not interested in finding new friends and relationships. 

I dream regularly and many of my dreams have recurring themes of being lost, confused, lonely, obstructed and uncared for. The other day I had an elaborate dream taking place in a hotel. Mary Lou and Jenny were there and Jenny asked me to get her a replacement room key because she misplaced hers. I went to the front desk and got the key.  I was tired and hungry, so I started looking around to find somewhere to eat breakfast and then find my room to like down for a nap. I had difficulty locating elevators and wandered around for several minutes. Finally, I saw Mary Lou sitting near a cafe. I told her the trouble I was having but she seemed distant and indifferent. Finally, I found the restaurant and asked if breakfast was being served but it had just closed. A kitchen worker found a plate of cinnamon rolls and handed one to a server. I offered to pay but was told they weren't going to charge me. However, the server started eating the roll. A petit four fell on the floor next to me and broke into two parts. I picked them up off the floor and ate them.

The recurring discombobulation dreams are somewhat puzzling although I recognize they reflect experiences and issues from earlier in my life. The question is do they also reflect current issues I'm not fully aware of? My biggest conscious concern is whether I'm failing to use my time and ample resources wisely.

One Brave Heart

(Lyrics by Owen Scott, III for music written about 4 years earlier. This is the fourth set of lyrics and the first ones I've been satisfied with. The song is the latest in my series Timeline of Love.)

Surely I know 'cause I've been there before
When nothing's left but the pain

Still you hold on after everything's gone

And only memories remain

Like the shell of the town
With the rain pouring down
Abandoned and left for the wind
Everyone's gone away
Seeking that better day
With no wish to be there again

So you do as you must
And sweep up the dust
Of mythical times long ago
All the bridges are burned
And the lessons all learned
That only the brave hearts can know

Now the dice have been cast
But the ghosts of the past
Float around in the mirror
And silently ask you to
Join in their dances
And hopeless romances
Through graveyards of sadness
Confusion and madness!

You take to the road
And carry the load
That only one brave heart will know
And you do what you do
That will carry you through
To a future that's yet to unfold
What it might hold
Stories untold

What is good sex? (Letter to the NYT editors)

Re: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/09/28/opinion/after-dobbs-what-is-feminist-sex.html

"Is this a lasting treasure or only a moment's pleasure?" Carole King

The problem with casual sex for men and women is that it's not intimate. Intimacy requires both persons being vulnerable and nonjudgmentally open to one another in a relationship where it's safe to be yourself. Casual sex is, at best, like a recreational drug. It can be fun and interesting but you don't take anything away from it other than whatever you learn from the experience.  An intimate experience, sexual or otherwise, produces an invisible connection between both people that's what we all need to feel whole.

Owen Scott, III (retired clinical psychologist)

Baton Rouge, LA

Can you spot the recurring themes in this dream?

Conner, David Stammer, a third guy and I are supposed to play at a wedding. We leave in a car with me driving. It seems we are leaving from Baton Rouge heading west although later it emerges the gig is in Buford, Georgia. We take a fork in the road and I'm not certain it's the correct route but I keep driving. Eventually we arrive at a town and stop at a church. We go in and I ask a middle-aged woman if this is the right place. "This is a Catholic church," she replies. I get out my MacBook to use Maps to find the correct route; but, the app doesn't allow entering search terms. Frustrated, I fumble with it unsuccessfully. Then, we are on the road again with Conner driving. We're on an unpaved road through pasture land. This doesn't seem right and I'm distressed because we won't get to the church on time. 

Active dreaming

 I often dream after I've been up having my bowl of cereal and gone back to sleep. This morning I was at my parents' house in Athens. It was a week or so before Christmas. Mom and Dad were both there along with some other people, possibly Mary Clayton or another small child. The floor in the big family room was messy with pieces of a jigsaw puzzle spread out all over the carpet and various junk items lying about. I started to pick things up to restore order. My Dad came in as if returning from the golf course, wearing cap and blue polo shirt. I asked how if felt to be hitting a few balls and said I'd go to a driving range with him if he wanted to. He made some incoherent statement that I didn't follow up on. I was thinking I would stay there until Christmas rather than going back to Baton Rouge to be with my parents longer,

What I think about all day

1. The war in Ukraine and the global situation 

2. The transience of everything 

3. People who have canceled me

4. How good I've got it

5. The need for peace and justice

6. Whether I'm using my precious time wisely 

What's up with me?

 1. I'm obsessed with Ukraine's fight to defeat Russia and expel their forces from all occupied territory.

2. I'm having dreams with my classic recurring themes. Jean Perkerson showed up in on two days ago. This morning after I went back to sleep around 6am,  I had an elaborate dream about being at an event in a multistory building in downtown Athens. When I left I couldn't remember where I'd parked my car. A number of people helped me look. I went up into an oddly built parking garage but it wasn't there. I tipped two people $5 each for helping me look. It was getting late. I wandered around outside at one point running through an archway of trees in the dark, thinking that this was a dangerous thing to be doing. I decided to call an Uber but I couldn't get the app menu on my cell phone to come up. The phone kept displaying galleries of full page ads. Finally, I took an Uber with a Vietnamese driver that a group of young people helping me called. It went down Lumpkin Street close to my parents' house, It seems like my mother was at home and I thought she's be worried about how late it was. I wanted to get out and walk home but the driver kept going further, finally stopping near a park-like area, As usual, I was relieved to awaken and find it was a dream,

3. I'm procrastinating about taking care of items on my To Do list,

4. I'm concerned about Lauren because Jenny reported to ML that Lauren is very depressed,

African Safari

Mary Lou and I returned last Tuesday from a 3 week trek (August 4-23) across South and East Africa with Jenny, Lauren and Mark. It was an amazing journey I documented extensively with photos and video clips. I've been posting highlights on Instagram and Facebook along with narrative texts. For this post, I'm going to assemble those texts and add photos, video clips and additional  commentary to provide a comprehensive narrative of the safari (Swahili for 'journey').

August 4. Baton Rouge

We flew Delta to Atlanta and then on to Johannesburg where it's 6 hours ahead of CST and August 5 when we land. We were met by a representative of 6 Degrees, our travel agency who guided us capably through the incoming foreign visitor protocols. We spent one night in a luxurious suite and then flew on to Cape Town the next morning. 

August 6, The Winchester, Cape Town, South Africa 

Recovering from two days of flying (Baton Rouge-Atlanta-Johannesburg-Cape Town) and  waiting for Jenny, Lauren and Mbark to arrive. We stayed overnight in a luxury suite in J-burg before flying on to Cape Town. 

The jetlagged sisters and Mark have arrived on a direct flight from NYC to Cape Town! ❤️❤️❤️ 

August 7 Cape of Good Hope National Park 

Shelley, our loudly eccentric guide is driving us out to the Park to see Cape wildlife and much beautiful scenery. 

 Along the way we see penguins, seals, ostriches, a zebra and baboons!

August 8 Cape Town

Today, Shelley drives us all around Capetown. In the morning we drive up to get a scenic view of Table Mountain and Lions Head, the iconic peaks standing behind the city, and the shore to the south. 

Bo Kaap (above the Cape) is the oldest surviving neighborhood in Cape Town. It was segregated under apartheid and mostly Muslims of Malay descent lived there, restricted by law from owning their homes. With freedom, the residents bought the old houses and painted them in a rainbow of colors. 

August 9, Babylonstoren 

Visit to a wonderful farming estate. These photos only scratch the surface. 🇿🇦 #westerncape #southafrica

August 10, Stellenbosch, South Africa 

An amazing dinner at the Fat Butcher in Stellenbosch

August 11, Lanzerac Wine Estate, Stellenbosch 

Sitting down for breakfast to Dickie Betts rocking out on "Rambling Man!"

August 11, Grootbos Nature Center, Walker Bay, South Africa 

My first chopper ride and it was a great one!

August 11,  Grootbos Nature Center 

Our guide, Kyle, is passionate about native flora and fauna

August 12  Grootbos 

It's rainy with fog today so I'll post a few food pix from dinner and breakfast: sweet potato soup, pork belly, pear in cream sauce dessert, bowl of oat and quinoa porridge. The bowls look black from the side and copper from above.

August 12, Walker Bay, SA

Exploring the limestone caves at Walker Bay

August 13, Grootbos Nature Center 

August 14, Oyster Bay Hotel, Dar Es Salaam 

Yesterday we flew from Capetown to Nairobi to Dar Es Salaam arriving at 2am local time. Up at 8am to fly over to Zanzibar where we'll spend two days before moving inland to Arusha, Tanzania on the border with Kenya to witness the Great Migration.

August 14, Dar Es Salaam 

Heading out from Julius Nyere International Airport to the small island of Zanzibar (Unguja to the locals)

August 15, Stone Town, Zanzibar 

In Zanzibar I first encounter Swahili, the lingua franca of Africa's east coast. It's the predominant language of Zanzibar, where it originated, and Tanzania. The hotel staff welcomed us wirh a lively rendition of Jambo Bwana, a catchy Swahili pop song thar has been adopted by tourist hosts throughout southeast Africa. The lyrics include useful Swahili phrases for hello (Jambo), How are you? (Habari gani), I'm fine (M'zuri sana) and No worries (Hakuna matata). 

Doors of Stone Town, Zanzibar City. Unguja. Zanzibar is an archipelago, autonomous within the federation of Tanzania. Unguja is the name of the main island but is referred to as Zanzibar by tourists.The doors are of two styles: Indian (arched top) and Arabic (square top).

August 15, Unguja, Tanzania 

Muslim girl in traditional dress. Muslim women of Zanzibar wear burkas of many colors but don't cover their faces in public.

August 15

We drive out to the ocean for a snorkeling excursion in the clear blue waters off Ujunga 

August 16. Arusha, Tanzania 

Flight to Arusha, safari gateway and the "African Geneva." The flight from Zanzibar was about 90 minutes. We stay overnight in Arusha at Legendary Lodge. Driving to Lake Manyara Tree Lodge the next morning we have our first elephant sighting. He was casually munching leaves by the roadside on the drive to our big safari experience!

August 16. Lake Manyara National Park 

The park is famous for its tree-climbing lions. We were fortunate today to see a female lion lounging in a tree at a distance from the road. This is the best photo I could get. Note the powerful leg casually dangling from the limb she's relaxing on. 

August 17 Lake Manyara National Park 

Yesterday we saw a group of hippos from long distance swimming on Lake Manyara. Today we saw a group out of the water and much closer!

August 18

Tanzania has quite a few species of snakes including many deadly poisonous types. This young rock python, a nonpoisonous constrictor, is the only snake we saw. Rock pythons are noteworthy for stretching themselves out in a straight line. This one who was lying across the road motionless as were driving on one of the many dirt roads crisscrossing the park. We stopped to watch and after a few moments, it turned and very quickly disappeared into the bushes! 

August 19, Ngorongoro Conservation Area

First off, "Si jambo (I'm fine)". I'm way behind on posting photos and videos of which I've shot at least 100 in the past 3 days. But I haven't been dragged off by a leopard ( I haven't even seen one 🙁) or run down by a hippo (which has a top speed of ~20mph and can be very aggressive). I have so much I want to show and tell! I'll start by posting pix of some of the animals I've seen at our first two stops, Lake Manyara National Park and Ngorongoro (n-goro-n-goro) Conservation Area. I'll tell you about these places in another post.

August 19, Ngorongoro Crater 

Ngorongoro Crater is what remains of a massive volcano that erupted and collapsed on itself ~2M years ago. The bottom of the mountain forms a talk rim around a flat plain with an alkaline lake in the center.

A group of tourists in Toyota Range Rovers have stopped to watch lions. Two males with black manes are in the grass to our right. I'm able to get fairly good photos with my phone. A group of females with cubs are in the distance on our left in the midst of numerous grazing animals including zebras and wildebeest. The female group is too far from us for me to see clearly, even with binoculars. But we watch patiently and then they begin walking slowly in our direction until the two cubs pass right next to us and then follow their mother across the road and march off across the wide grassfield to our right!

August 21, Serengeti National Park, Tanzania 

Our last full day in Tanzania before we fly home. Here's a list of some of the creatures we've seen so far.

Hyrax

Ostrich 

Penguin 

Impala 

Blue monkey 

Ibis 

Elephant 

Baboon 

Warthog

Giraffe

Dikdik 

Lion

Hippopotami

Klipspringer

Eagle 

Red duika

Water buck

Giant kingfisher 

Grey Hornbill

African scooper owl

Black face monkey 

Crowned hornbill

Cape Buffalo 

Gray heron

Bush baby

Civet 

Porcupine 

Mongoose 

Little bee eater

Grants Gazelle 

Thompsons Gazelle 

Spotted Hyena

Jackal

Wildebeest 

Flamingo

Rock python 

Superb starling

Tailor bird

Serval cat

Short tailed eagle 

Africa fish eagle 

Gray breastfed spur

Tourists do not go on actual safaris like the ones in the old Tarzan movies I watched with Mom on Saturday mornings where heavily armed white men in pith hats marched off into the jungle followed by a line of fake Africans carrying their gear. Tourists safaris are "game drives" where they pile into Toyota Range Rovers with a knowledgeable African guide who drives them around on dirt roads, pointing out animals and plants and answering their questions. When a guide finds something interesting he let's the others know so they can rush to the scene..

August 22

Dao, our very capable Maasai guide, drives all of us to the little airport near the Nyasi Migrational Camp. We enjoy a game drive along the way until Mary Lou and I are dropped off to begin the long journey home and the others drive off to continue their safari. They will be moving to Maasai Mara Park in Kenya before departing for home on Friday.

Our amazing safari ended with a 36 hour return trip home from Serengeti to Nairobi to Amsterdam, Atlanta and Baton Rouge. We had a long layover in Nairobi during which we were driven from Wilson Airport to Jomo Kenyatta International Airport, giving us time to stop at a women's arts and crafts cooperative and have dinner at Carnivore, a well known Nairobi restaurant that specializes in, you guessed it, meat! Facing another 24 hours of airplane food after being spoiled by fabulous cooking for 3 weeks, we loaded up on protein before catching a midnight flight to Amsterdam.

Religion and belief

The fact that anything exists at all is an incomprehensible mystery to me. Having been raised going to a sedate, middle class Methodist church by a mother who set an exemplary Christian example of cheerful humility, kindness, generosity and caring, my approach to life has been shaped by institutional Christianity. I've studied the Bible, I find wisdom, inspiration and guidance in what's written about Jesus and in other beautiful passages, and I can't see how the vast and magnificent Universe sprang itself into being out of nothingness; but, I haven't been part of a church since my children came of age. I don't think the emphasis should be on believing exactly the right thing so you get rewarded rather than set on fire in the afterlife (I'm with John Lee Hooker on this). I don't think anyone has the credentials to speak for God. I believe in seeking wisdom rather than money and power and admire Christians and people of all faiths who strive to live this life with mindful humility and who trust that God will sort things out with compassion and justice. If I'm wrong about any of this, I'm sincerely wrong and will have to rely on God being the ultimate forgiving parent.

Reminiscing about my.undergraduate college career for Bill King's article.

In 1972 I was attending UGA in the Honors Program but I wasn't a very serious student. One semester I took Honors Intro to Psychology taught by the department chair. The most impactful lesson for me came from watching a Jane Goodall documentary about chimpanzees. I was struck by how strong  intelligent and sociable they are and how they seemed to lead an idyllic life, using sticks to collect termites for a snack and spending considerable time sitting around grooming one another. My takeaway was "I wonder why it was necessary for our species to evolve beyond the kind of life chimpanzees have achieved?"

Upon turning 70

Yes, yesterday marked my completion of 70 trips around the sun. To mark the occasion, I reposted the YouTube video of "Around and around" from Dr. Morphed Rides Again on my Facebook pages. About 150 people wished me Happy Birthday which made me feel good. I realize I am liked and respected among those who know me. Jenny and Lauren, who are visiting Chicago, both called separately and Jenny and I had a good conversation. I had lunch with Maureen and Mary Lou at LA Madeleine. In the evening Mary Lou and I had dinner at Flemings, an upscale steakhouse. It was a good day.

All Star Thursday at the Listening Room

It's All Star Thursday at Henry Turner Jr's Listening Room, where I'm sitting at a table as Kelton Nspire raps about "Mayonnaise Sandwiches" and the need for spiritual renewal, gratitude and personal responsibility in a harsh world.  We're celebrating Marcia Groff's birthday, Marcia being Henry's long time publicist and general right hand woman.  This is my regular gig playing my own songs accompanied by my own backup tracks.  It's a bit surreal playing to the same small group of people, mostly Henry's other "All Stars" and helpers, week after week. The show is live streamed on Henry's Facebook page but very few people watch it. I've been doing these 30 minute sets here for, what, 3 or 4 years? I'm not sure but at least that long. It's been difficult to stay motivated although I know it's worth my effort.  I've gotten a lot of practice performing my original songs which has helped me to improve. I usually video my set on my smartphone and review it afterwards. I put my best recordings on my social media pages and YouTube channel for friends to enjoy. I'll continue to do this now. If I stopped, I'm sure I would succumb to apathy. The Muse would not be happy with me. But I have to work at maintaining my interest and effort.

Leaves are definitely falling

Leaves are definitely falling/

falling all around my head.

Dressed in all their special colors/

 yellow orange green and red.

Sweep them up and even more come down/

faster than the words that I just said. 

Leaves are definitely falling/ pretty soon we'll all be dead!

That's a nonsense song I made up in my head yesterday while working outside removing leaves and vegetative matter from the steps and brick walkways around our house. The first line was a spontaneous thought, quickly followed by "falling all around my head."  I even made up a happy tune to go with the lyrics, almost all in the span of a minute or two. The lines about colors took a bit longer but not much. I find the silly song amusing like others that have come to me over the years. 

I had one of those dreams this morning after going back to sleep around 5am. It involved being at our old house in Athens which was in a state of chaos and disarray. It was my responsibility to sort it out causing me to feel anxious and overwhelmed. As always, I was relieved to awaken and realize things are OK in my life.

What really matters

I've become aware that advanced learning, wide experience, professional success, compassion & a life of seeking w/an open mind are overrated. What matters is thinking you're clever and having a Twitter account.

The challenge of mindful flat picking

After all these years of playing the guitar, I've come to realize the major impediment to my skill level is the inability to stay focused on my fingers, in particular, on the kinesthetic sensation of the flat pick in my right hand. Until quite recently, my habit was to focus on fretting with my left hand.  When I am able to maintain focus on my right hand, the pick moves more reliably to the correct position to play long, fast strings of notes. When I realized this, I began to practice keeping my focus on my right hand; but, the problem I have, despite hours & hours of practice, is verbal thought process interfering with that focus. I'm making incremental progress but still have much room for improvement!

Today is Lauren's birthday

She's 35 years old. Mary Lou called and left a voice message singing Happy Birthday off key, I sent a sweet e-card from Blue Mountain. Lauren and Mark are going on the big African trip with Jenny, Mary Lou and me in August. I'm very happy she's going. 

How I spend my time

I wonder about my daily habits and feel the need to reflect on the way I spend my time.  I have established a fairly rigid pattern: When I wake up around 6am, the time MaryLou gets up, I open a new game of Wordle and play it in bed. Typically, I look at my Twitter feed for awhile to see what has happened with the Russian invasion of Ukraine. Eventually, I get up and make a bowl of cereal with half of a banana which I take to my preferred chair in the family room. While eating it, I continue to look through the tweets describing the fighting on both micro and macro levels. The past few days I've also read threads on the leaked SCOTUS majority draft by Alito reversing Roe v Wade but Ukraine is the reason I'm spending time on Twitter. This may go on all morning. Or if I didn't get adequate sleep, I go back to bed and get another hour or so.

At some point, I begin drinking coffee. A bit later, I make a small breakfast of toast and a Jimmy Dean turkey sausage patty. At some point, I get up and water the flower pots outside. I have lunch around 1130 or 12, sometimes going out with Mary Lou to one of our go to cafes, sometimes making a small microwave lunch. After lunch, I get sleepy and lie down for awhile to reset my brain. 

Every few days, I get out to run errands such as going to the grocery store and picking up prescriptions at CVS. Sometimes I work in the yard cleaning up leaves, spraying weeds with Roundup, cutting down vines and so on. I'm doing pushups most days in an effort to keep my body functioning. For eccentric reasons, I like to do a prime number, 17 or 19 are favorites. I may practice on the guitar a bit, usually without plugging into an amp. Lately I've spent a good bit of time practicing my arrangement of "Whiskey before breakfast," a classic old time fiddle and banjo tune. On Thursday evenings at 9pm, I usually perform a 20 or 30 minute set of my original songs at Henry Turner, Jr's Listening Room and Heritage Museum. I have to psych myself up to run through the songs on Thursday afternoon and I'm usually very tired on Friday, even though I try to leave shortly after I play rather than staying to hear Henry finish off the evening, Almost no one comes except Henry's band members and Marcia, his venerable, long time manager. 

During all of this, I think about the world and my life, well aware that the clock is ticking and it all counts. I have dinner with Mary Lou between 530 and 6pm. We often watch ABC News with David Muir followed by the PBS News Hour. Then, with Mary Lou's approval, we will watch a show I picked out that falls within our shared tastes and interests. We've been through numerous British and foreign detective shows. Now we're watching interesting documentaries on nature and history. Mary Lou drinks her wine with bags of microwave popcorn while I eat grapes, string cheese and Ritz crackers. Every other day or so I have an Jameson Irish coffee with a birthday cup of Bluebell vanilla ice cream and whipped dairy topping. Mary Lou conks out around 9 and I sit up a while longer looking at Twitter or watching an NBA basketball game.

I question myself: Why don't I work on my recordings? Why don't I work on organizing the family archives? Why have I become so passive?  Why don't I get out and walk or ride my bike these days, knowing that exercise gives me more energy and is good for my long-term health? 

There are multiple answers. I feel lethargic. I don't take Adderall any more, It doesn't matter what I do. Because I don't have to.  Because I don't have accomplishments to pursue and look forward to. Because the romance has gone from my life. Because I'm getting old. These aren't questions or right and wrong. The simple patterns I'm repeating daily are OK. There's virtue in simplicity. 

African safari during wartime

I'm spending much too much time scrolling through my Twitter feed worrying about the Russian invasion of Ukraine. Meanwhile, Jenny Scott has persuaded Mary Lou, Lauren, Mark and me to sign on for a very expensive African safari trip in August. We will start in Cape Town South Africa and proceed to Mount Kilimanjaro Tanzania and on through Kenya to observe the Great Migration first hand. All of this seems a bit surreal. But there it is. 

Another obsessive topic of mine is whether I'm doing enough to make the world a better place. I accept that my power to make a difference is quite limited but I do have knowledge, insight and a good deal of money. I feel a certain amount of guilt about my good fortune of having health, wealth and living in a bubble of safety while much of the world is suffering from various evils. Mostly I think about it without taking action. Mary Lou and I have watched several Nature documentaries about South and East Africa over the past few days as well as one about Big Bend National Park. They remind us of the mystery and magnificence of nature as well as the struggle for survival that all living things experience. Creatures battling and preying upon one another is basic to the natural order.

Blood work (edited from earlier entry)

A day in the life is a long series small acts organized around one's needs and goals. Today, I played Wordle successfully for the 88th consecutive time, then lay back down an meditated until 6am, got out of bed, fixed my ponytail, assembled clothing, took some sips of water, shaved with my electric razor, put my smart phone in its charger, conversed with Mary Lou about her day (she's been ill for several days), did 15 push ups, took a shower, got dressed, went to my car, drove to Baton Rouge Clinic for routine blood work.

and a CT scan of my heart to check for calcium deposits, back to the car, drove to the nearby McDonald's, looked at the drive through line and decided it was too busy, backed up, turned right onto Essen Lane, right onto Perkins, drove down to the McDonald's on the corner of Lee Drive, went through the drive in and drove home listening to Anne Roberts being interviewed on the BBC on Sirius-XM. All of this by 8am. 

Sixteen days later the war drags On

I'm sitting in the customer lounge at Brian Harris Porsche while my Macan gets an oil change and probably a new tire due to a slow leak caused by a bolt I found penetrating the tire. I came out yesterday (Sunday) to drop the car off early but Mary Lou never showed up to take me home so I finally left myself. She had left her phone at Maureen's and was driving around looking for the dealership unsuccessfully. 

At 3:30AM I heard a short alarm sound. A few minutes later the doorbell rang followed by pounding on the back door. It was the Fire Department who had been summoned by SimplySafe, our alarm company. They tried to call both of us but my Do Not Disturb was activated and Mary Lou's phone was downstairs where we couldn't hear it. I got up for awhile afterwards and unplugged the alarm system so it wouldn't happen again (except I now find out it's running on batteries!). Having been brought into alertness, my night's sleep unsurprisingly was less than optimal. I will call SimplySafe when I get home to try to figure out what happened. 

Reading my previous post, I realize my days have continued much as I wrote then. Following the Russian invasion has been an obsession reminiscent of when Iraqi forces were fighting to liberate Mosul from ISIS. Ukraine is the opposite situation- the invaders are the oppressors and the defenders are the "good guys," at least from the perspective of westerners with democratic values.  Fans of nationalist authoritarians, most Russian citizens and other people who hate the west see it differently. 

Mary Lou, Mary O'Brien, and I watched the documentary David Attenborough A Life on Our Planet last evening. The film is a powerful reminder of the ecological and environmental crisis the world is facing and the dire consequences that will ensue if the global community fails to act. What will it take for humanity to come to its senses? Attenborough said we got here through our species' intelligence and we can avoid the devastation through our wisdom. The problem is, wise people are not in charge; in fact, no one is in charge. As Putin's War demonstrates, global society operates as anarchy and one narcissistic leader can single-handedly drag the world into a destructive diversion from what should be our priorities. Even the extreme catastrophe of nuclear war isn't out of the question. Political processes are unlikely to result in significant action unless things become so bad the wealthy and powerful countries are compelled to address them. I feel I'm just an insightful spectator with only a tiny bit of power to affect the unfolding of disaster. 

All of this in the context of my living in a bubble of comfort, safety and prosperity for which I am, of course, very grateful. What can I do to make a small difference? What should I do? It's a matter of my personal values.

Putin invades Ukraine

 And I find myself spending hours on Twitter obsessively following the breaking news and copious photos and videos of Russian tanks, armored vehicles, mobile missile launchers and aircraft that have been captured, abandoned or hit by Stingers, Turkish-made drones and Javelins. The Russian invasion has not gone well due to fierce resistance, sticky mud and the apparent ineptitude of the Russian forces.

Second to the last phase?

The thought crossed my mind this morning that maybe I'm in the last phase of my life, that I've done what I came here to do, that I'm wrapping things up. Then  I thought, No, I am wrapping things up (or at least I want to, in the sense of leaving my records and mementos in order) but that's the second to the last phase. The last phase is when there's nothing left to do. And I'm dragging my feet on this phase. 

Recovering from the Super Bowl

I've had somewhat of a Matthew Stafford obsession ever since he committed to play QB for the University of Georgia back in 2006. Jenny and I saw shine with the Dawgs against Hawaii at the 2008 Sugar Bowl. I followed his professional career with the Detroit Lion closely and got to see him excel once again in the Super Dome against the Saints in 2015, this time with Cody and Maureen. The Lions years were perennially frustrating as the team only made the playoffs three times and lost each time in the first round, Still, I admired Stafford's toughness and positive attitude, his many clutch performances in 4th quarter drives with the game on the line, and his generous giving of time and money to the Detroit community. 

I believed that Stafford was underrated as a franchise quarterback in the world of sports narratives.  Everyone agreed he had exceptional talent as a passer and other pros, especially those who were or had been teammates, extolled his virtues; but, despite having approaching the all-time Top 10 QBs in passing yards, many media pundits promulgated the idea that he was a "stat padder" who wasn't able to win "big games" and propel his teams to playoff success. Legions of casual fans bought into the negative narrative. Others, including many Lions fans, opined that he was held back by playing for Detroit, one of the historically least successful NFL franchises and a small media market where star athletes operate in relative obscurity.

Then, a year ago Stafford asked to be traded to a competitive team. The Lions management agreed and he was traded to the Los Angeles Rams in exchange for LA QB Jared Goff and a handful of high draft picks. The Rams reached the Super Bowl in 2017 with Goff, like Stafford a #1 NFL draft pick, but lost handily and regressed afterwards. The Rams are a star-studded team that, besides drafting Aaron Donald and Cooper Kupp, two of the best at their positions, has gone "all in" on signing great players as they've become available but many questioned the wisdom of the Rams front office making this move, asserting Stafford significantly better than Goff. If Stafford didn't lead the Rams to a Super Bowl win and not just an appearance, it was argued, the trade wasn't worth it. 

To summarize the results, the Rams went 12-5 in the regular season, won the NFC West Division over two other playoff teams (San Francisco and Arizona) and were the 4th seeded NFC team going into the postseason. This included losing twice to the 49ers and splitting two games with the Cardinals. OK, but Stafford had never won a playoff game. 

In the Wild Card round, the Rams crushed Arizona for Stafford's first playoff win. Facing defending champion Tampa Bay led by consensus GOAT Tom Brady on the road in the Divisional round, Stafford led a game winning drive with 37 seconds remaining after his team lost 3 fumbles and a botched shotgun snap, none of them Stafford's doing, and the Bucs had tied the score. The Rams now faced San Fransisco, a team that physically dominated them in the regular season, for the 3rd time in the NFC Championship game. This time, the Rams flipped the script and Stafford led another game winning 4th quarter drive before the powerful Rams defense forced 49ers QB Jimmy Garoppolo into a desperation interception as time ran out. 

In his first season with the Rams Stafford had equalled Goff's greatest success. Now, could he win the truly Big One going up against the Cincinnati Bengals and their shiny new kid on the block, media darling Joe Burrow of LSU fame, another #1 draft choice. Joe Cool is a special talent and budding NFL superstar behind whom the Bengals went from a dismal record of 4-11-1 in the AFC North (good for last place) to a division winning 10-7 and a Wild Card berth.  To the surprise of everyone except perhaps themselves, the Bengals reeled off three straight playoff wins (defeating Oakland, Tennessee and Kansas City) to land themselves in the Super Bowl against the Rams. On paper, the Rams were a better team but many observers believed Burrow had some special "it factor" that Stafford lacked. Las Vegas liked the Rams by 4 points yet many pundits predicted a Bengals win. 

As for me, I indulged in uncounted hours and days of articles, videos, podcasts, Tweets, and Sirius-XM talk shows focused on the game. An objective analysis said the Rams would win fairly easily due to a number of factors. The www.fivethirtyeight.com NFL forecast agreed and predicted the Rams would win 2 out of 3 times. And so it came to pass, despite adversity that emerged in the game, Stafford once more led a go ahead drive culminating in a 1-yard TD pass to Kupp that left under 2 minutes on the clock; and, Aaron Donald once more got to Joe Burrow, forcing a desperation incompletion to seal the game. 

Stafford had answered the critics and I was happy for him. Yesterday (postgame Monday), I was mentally fatigued all day. Today I'm hoping the wrap up the process of digesting the journey. Tomorrow, I have yet another opportunity to engage meaningfully in my life.

Pressure is a privilege (LA Rams mantra)

I heard this quote from Matthew Stafford and then other Rams players and it made me think. My currently life is free of significant external pressure.  That wasn't the case for most of my life but since retiring in July 2019, there's very little I absolutely have to do in order to maintain survival and stability. The pressure I do feel is self-generated, centering around the question What will I do with myself? 

Yet another one

After going back to sleep this morning, I had another dream about wandering around in a hotel trying to find my room. This one took place in an older urban hotel where I was staying with Mary Lou. For some reason, I took the elevator down to the ground floor by myself before decided to go back to the room. It seemed like there was no longer an elevator entrance on that floor, so I started walking around looking for another one. I took some stairs to the second floor where I saw what I took to be a freight elevator. I wasn't sure if it was OK for me to take it, so I kept looking. One door I went to led to the parking garage. I came back into an open room that was like a ballroom or possibly a sports court. I don't remember talking to anyone or seeking help- I just kept wandering around. Unlike the last one with this theme, I didn't feel particularly anxious, just a little confused. That's all I recall right now.

I've had a number of noteworthy dreams in the past week or so that I thought about but didn't try to write down. In one, Mary Lou and I ended up beneath a bridge to nowhere beside a creek. I cautioned her to watch out fort quicksand upon which she immediately stepped into a water filled hole and disappeared. No bubbles came up. I was stunned and afraid she would drown as I thought what I should do. I was preparing to stick my upper body into the water to try to reach her when I awoke. In another dream, I was at my parents' house in Athens with some friends. We still owned the house. I asked about Mom who was in frail health and someone said she was in Oconee ? which I took to be a nursing care or rehab facility. I commented to someone we would probably sell the house within a month or two. We had somewhere to go, possibly a band gig, and I decided to take a quick shower, However, I discovered that Megan T was in the shower which infuriated me. I started ranting about this affront and demanding she go away. Then, it seems like I relented a bit and thought maybe I was being too harsh.

What do I want to leave behind?

I played a blues oriented set Thursday night at Henry Turner, Jr's Listening Room and got up around 6 AM Friday to move my car so workmen had room to park behind our house.  Darrin, the floor finisher, had two more coats to apply which he did in two visits. When we get up on Sunday, we'll be able to walk on the kitchen floor again. 

As usual, I was tired Friday morning after playing, even though Henry had me go first and I got home by 10:30 PM and went to be around 11. I spent the morning lounging around while Darrin applied a coat and a crew from Best Buy installed our new TV on the bedroom wall and programmed the Cox Csble remote. I eventually achieved full alertness midafternoon. 

At some point clarity emerged in the form of the question: What do I want to leave behind for my survivors when I'm gone? I like this thought. I will keep it in mind and meditate on it.

Stop me if you've heard this one

I woke around 6am from a detailed disturbing dream. I was staying at a big, upscale hotel with Jenny. We were returning to our room at midnight and for some reason she went ahead of me after reminding me of the room number. There was a free buffet in an open area and I wanted to eat. It was busy but close to closing time.  I followed a group of people to an elevator overhearing a woman ask how they did, apparently referring to a presentation. I interjected a non sequitur which was ignored. I called Jenny to tell her I would be there soon as I didn't have a key and needed her to let me in. I enlisted a young woman employee who was thin with short hair and friendly demeanor to help me find our room. In my brief interactions with her, I learned her name was Billie Jean and it seemed to me I detected some attraction to me on her part. We went to the 4th floor. Here there was a fancy women's clothing store with guest rooms along the side. The store was full of shoppers even though it was well past midnight. I wandered around trying to determine where our room was. At this point, Billie Jean was gone and a stocky older female employee asked me what I was looking for and ended up assisting me. We arrived at room 406 which I thought was correct but a couple was checking into it. When I tried to call Jenny again to verify the room number, my device kept changing and behaving erratically making it impossible to place the call. Finally, I asked a bulky security man for help by calling the front desk but he refused dismissively and walked off telling me to call the desk myself. Feeling anxious and confused, I took my wallet out only to find my money was gone and my credit cards had been cut into pieces and stuck back in the card slots. It was now 330am, none of this made sense and I was at a loss what to do. I was relieved to awaken at that moment.

Why do I have this sort of recurring dream? The obvious answer is it reflects core fears of inadequacy, helplessness and abandonment. It doesn't reflect my current circumstances although dreams seldom do.  In the dream, I was behaving rationally and things were Ok at first but as it continued, I was impeded progressively by other people, technology failure, and mental confusion. It seemed someone had stolen the money from my wallet and probably cut up the credit cards before sticking them back into my wallet. That would seem to indicate someone was trying to cause disruption beyond just the theft. 

Associations and thoughts:  1) It reminds me of being at professional conferences at big hotels in major cities where I was an insignificant participant. On further thought, it also reminded me of Las Vegas casinos Scott Thurman and I saw that operate 24/7 so it looks the same no matter the time. 2) Jenny and I have vacationed together and stayed at various hotels, most recently in Portland, Maine. There was a conference in New York City Mary Lou and I attended while Jenny was in law school. However, those connections don't feel as strong as the professional conference association. 3) I've had any number of dreams involving being lost and unable to find my car and/or wandering around an unfamiliar place or building. 4) Getting to the hotel room represents refuge, a safe place. If I could find the room, Jenny would let me in and I'd be OK. 5) In the dream, I was concerned about waking Jenny up as it had gotten so late. 6) I have a fear that other people don't really care about me, that I will always have to take care of myself and that I will fail and suffer serious consequences. That's not true in real life. 7) The strange dysfunction of my cellular device is another recurring element. I'm sure I've described earlier such dreams in this blog. Like most people, I've come to rely heavily on my cell phone in daily life.  The way the dream story typically goes, I'm trying to dial a number but I can't get the keypad screen to come up or when I do, it isn't configured in a way that works properly. In the dream at hand, text and mathematical functions appeared on one screen, then the entire device unfolded into 4 parts. I wondered if that wasn't my actual phone but couldn't find another one.  8) The dream implies that rational problem-solving isn't always sufficient to prevent things from falling apart which is true. 9) The cut up credit cards is a strange detail. You cut up credit cards because they've expired or because you don't want to run up debt.  10) Billie Jean is not my lover.

The days of my life

As noted previously, we're having.our kitchen and upstairs bath renovated with the resulting disorder of appliances, dishes, food and sundry items displaced and deposited expediently in other rooms and workers coming and going and making noise with hammers and power tools. The last few days featured cold, dreary weather. Maureen's family all got covid from Cody's mother (fortunately, they all had mild cases). All of this his provides me with plenty of distractions and excuses not to do much except sit around thinking and surfing through sports, news and social media sites. OK, I'm going to take a shower now and get back to work on the family archives. 

Windshield wiper

I saw Dr. Fivgas, the retina specialist, on Monday. I arrived with trepidation due to an odd symptom, a black object in my visual field resembling a black, curved windshield wiper extending down from the upper region.  It behaved like a floater but didn't look like any floater I've experienced. But that's what it is and the doc reassured me it's no cause for concern. Whew, I'm not going to go blind at this point in time. But if I did, I would accept it and press on. 

The bonfire of my therapeutic legacy

Over the long course of my career as a psychotherapist, I encouraged my patients to listen to tape recordings of our sessions in order to process and digest the content of our conversations. Some of my memorable patients chose to leave the tapes in my possession and allowed them to remain with me after we completed our work together.  When we closed our old office after I retired, I moved the tapes to one of two storage units we rent. Mary Lou and I went today to consolidate down to one unit and I decided it was time to dispose of the tapes. I brought them home and went through a large number of old cassettes from the 1990s blacking out the names on the labels and using a bulk eraser to scramble the magnetic particles on the tape before depositing them in a dumpster set behind our house by the contractor overseeing renovations of our kitchen and upstairs bathroom.

I felt sad and ambivalent about destroying these remarkable conversations, especially those of Vicky L. I had composed a title for each session and a part of me wanted to keep and listen to them, revisiting many hours of intense, intimate and often amusing creative therapeutic work over 4 or 5 years. She was an amazing and wonderful person and I loved working with her. But that was 25 years ago and what was the likelihood I'd ever do it? The recordings were confidential and not having heard from the patients in all that time, I felt it best to erase and dispose of the tapes. Everything in this world is transient. They're gone and time flows on.

My 1977 Star Wars review

This review of mine was published in the Saturday edition of the Athens Banner-Herald/The Daily News on July 16. 1977, just before I left Athens for grad school. I had met the editor, Kelly, via Kate Pierson and when I showed him the piece, he liked it and made it a featured article!

"A long time ago in a Galaxy far far away," Thus begins the surprise cinematic success of 1977, director George Lucas' space epic "Star Wars." Moments later, the titanic hall of an Imperial space cruiser darkens the screen and an adventure is underway which will lead in two swift hours across the marvelous span of the universe and through a timeless duel of good and evil owing its existence purely to the imagination. 

For an unheralded movie to push its way through the higher budget competition securing its place in the eyes of the mass media and filling the coffers of its producers is rare enough; but, when the subject matter of the picture is outer space adventure we are dealing with a phenomenon. 

 Everyone knows, after all, that this sort of fare attracts a small group of science fiction fanatics and Star Trekkies, but not the wide range of movie goers necessary to create a smash. Nevertheless as the executives in charge of "A Bridge Too Far," "Exorcist 2" and "The Deep" look on with envy, executives at 20th Century Fox are sitting back and congratulating themselves with the grand accomplishment of director Lucas. 

Lucas' track record is extremely brief. Neither the bleak futuristic "THX 1138" nor the highly successful period piece "American Graffiti" prepares the viewer for the experience of “Star Wars.” The earlier films belong to their respective time frames while, as Hollywood aficionados and older fans will recognize, "Star Wars" stands alongside Flash Gordon, the old Errol Flynn/Olivia de Havilland classics and innumerable Allies versus Nazis pieces, horse operas and flyboy epics in the mainstream of the Hollywood tradition. Thus, we could compare "Star Wars" to "The Forbidden Planet," a wonderful sci-fi fantasy of the fifties, but not to Kubrick's "2001: A space Odyssey" which consciously aspires to the level of art. 

The  plot of "Star Wars" is straightforward. Briefly, it concerns the coming of age of a young man (Mark Hamill) in a setting of interplanetary rebellion. A small band of rebels, seeking to restore the peace of an earlier time, has captured the plans to the oppressive Empire's ultimate weapon, the Death Star, a space station capable of instantaneously disintegrating an entire planet. The aid of one Obi Wan Kenobi (Alec Guinness), a former general living anonymously on a remote desert world, is essential to the rebel success, for Kenobi is a master of the Zen-like Force which "surrounds us and penetrates us and binds the galaxy together” and whose power dwarfs even the advanced technology of the Empire. The Empire also has a master of the Force, Lord Darth Vader (played to perfection by David Prowse), in its service. While rebel and Imperial troops struggle on the material plane, Kenobi and Vader maintain the flame of an archaic religion, representative of the elemental conflict between good and evil which underlies Lucas’ fantasy world. 

The cosmos of Star Wars is also populated by a brave, beautiful princess (Carrie Fisher), a courageous but self-serving space smuggler (Harrison Ford), a mismatched android duo (Kenny Baker and Anthony Daniels) and various strange life forms both friendly and malevolent, in short, a constellation of archetypal fantasy characters. 

So far, nothing too surprising. What in fact is so remarkable about this?

First, that it can be done in 1977. Director Lucas seems quite sincere about the values offered in his film. Looking back on his earlier work, a sensitive concern for human worth may be perceived. “THX1138” depicts a couple trying to feel in a sterile world, while the episodes of “American Graffiti” sympathetically treat human foibles in a confusing, transitional time. For persons seeking meaning, adoption of a simple, traditional ethical scheme is not unusual; and, in an era whose films often explore its jaded sophistication and scarring anxieties (Woody Allen’s excellent “Annie Hall,” for example), Lucas has migrated to an essentially mythological plane.

Second, that it is done so well. Indulging in a simplified conception is risky business but Lucas responds brilliantly, using the very technology so often seen as a threat by humanists to overpower whatever cynicism the viewer may harbor. Ladies and gentlemen, the special effects are stunning. The spaceships, the ray gun fights, the holographic chess game, the bizarre creatures, the laser swords, whew! When you leave the theater you’ll wonder what hit you,. The actors perform commendably with the difficult task of making a timeworn style come to life, with Guiness, Prowse and Ford standing out. In addition, Star Wars is often quite funny, as Lucas wastes no opportunity to insert a humorous touch. 

None or this should be mistaken for reality. Films succeed by entertaining and a simple, elegant structure in the hands of a sensitive, intelligent director is a formula which equals marvelous entertainment,

Dawgs win and Hope turns to Joy!

Well, Kirby Smart finally beat Nick Saban and Georgia finally won a national championship in football for the first time since Herschel Walker's freshman season in 1980. The game ended around 11pm and I stayed up until maybe 1am enjoying the postgame coverage. I had to get up by 7am yesterday to make way for the workers who are busy on the upstairs bathroom as I type. I decided to spend the entire day savoring the victory via videos, Sirius-XM sports talk, social media and by reading and commenting on all the articles about the game in the Athletic, of which there were many. 

I've followed Georgia beat writer Seth Emerson since he covered the Dawgs for the Columbus Ledger-Enquirer and he is one of the best at his craft. Yes, I know, football is just a game and one that's hazardous to the bodies or the athletes. Billions of dollars are spent and made in the college football industry and millions of fans give it major (and often excessive) importance in their daily lives. I've put considerable thought into the role of sports in human society and my own emotional engagement with certain teams and players. Without taking a deep dive in this post, I'll observe that sports serve some valuable functions for individual athletes and communities of fans. This year's highly talented Bulldogs manifested admirable qualities of commitment, determination, effort, sacrifice and brotherhood that served them well and eventuated in achieving the highest goal in their sport. Stetson Bennett, Jordan Davis, Nakobe Dean, Zamir White, James Cook, Quay Walker, Kelee Ringo, Lewis Cine, Jamaree Salyer, Brock Bowers, George Pickens, Adonai Mitchell... these are some of the young men who will be remembered as heroes for as long as people care about the Dawgs. 

Win or lose, it's great to be a Georgia Bulldog... but it's a lot more fun when the Dawgs win it all!

Renovation

Our kitchen, breakfast room and master bathroom upstairs are being ripped up to make way for new floors, cabinets, counter tops and fixtures, creating the usual disorder of 'pardon our progress.' As many have observed, we're either growing or we're dying. Our trusted contractor, Richard Jackson, is overseeing the work with hands on. He's a good man whom I enjoy having around.  I have a number of items on my to do list involving upgrades or improvements in my practical life- new phone, new headphones, amplifier repairs, and one to add- air filters for the house and studio. I can afford all of these things if I just go ahead and act. Irrational anxiety and avoidant apathy hold me back. However, I have taken care of a number of important items and checked them off on my phone app with the green checkmark emoji. 

Additional note: Tonight is the National Championship football game between Georgia and Alabama. The Dawg Nation awaits the kickoff with apprehension based on Georgia's dismal record against the Nick Saban under Mark Richt (1-2) and Kirby Smart (0-5). Since winning in 2007, the Dawgs have lost 7 straight including a surprisingly lopsided defeat in the 2021 SEC  Championship game just over a month ago. I expect Georgia to put up a better fight this time but is this the day we finally break the losing streak and Kirby gets his first win over his former boss? I've learned to view sporting contests philosophically but having been a Georgia fan since the late 1950's when Fran Tarkenton was playing QB under Coach Wally Butts, it would be nice to see the Dawgs prevail for their first national championship since 1980 when Herschel Walker played against Notre Dame in the Sugar Bowl with a dislocated shoulder. Win or lose, it's great to be a Georgia Bulldog. Go Dawgs, sic 'em, woof woof woof.

Onward into 2022

I woke up yesterday morning and as usual gave myself a pep talk about staying positive and engaged with my life. My battle with dysthymia is ongoing. Besides prayer and once more reminding myself of how good I have it in relation to most people, especially those in my age range, I found myself going over my song We are the ones in my head. 

We are the ones who promised no surrender/We won't back down before the lies and insults that the narcissists let fly/We are the ones who see right through them/Solutions can be found for every problem if we care enough to try/We aren't done yet, our children need us/No draw from our experience the wisdom we can use to lead the way/We won't back down-we're moving forward/Their clock is ticking down, the time is now, the day is ours, we are the ones!

I did write that one not too long ago and Trump was defeated as predicted. It's a good song and I believe in what I said. So, I will press on and give it my best as I've done my entire life.

2022

 It's New Year's Day 2022 and our house guests have all returned to their homes. Lauren, Mark and Bert departed on Tuesday the 28th and I took Jenny and Manny to the airport in New Orleans today for her 1pm flight to LaGuardia. I canceled on Henry Turner, Jr's NYE party last night due to the omicron surge, staying home to watch Georgia demolish Michigan in the Orange Bowl, setting up a rematch with Alabama in Indianapolis a week from Monday for the Division 1 National Championship. I know it's just a game and I look at winning and losing games philosophically but it is nice to win. Perhaps this is the year the Dawgs finally get another ring. Cody watched with me outside in our covered space and Randy stopped by before and after going to dinner. Upon Georgia closing out the game, I opened up the bottle of Brut Rose we had been saving since our trip to France, poured champagne glasses for Randy, Kristi, Maureen, Jenny, Cody and myself and we toasted the New Year.

The holidays went well in terms of our children all being here and the traditional events occurring with civility and without drama. Jenny did go off on me in front of Cody, Maureen, Randy and Kristi after the Orange Bowl when I turned up the volume on our outdoor TV to hear Stetson Bennet's postgame comments over the conversation. Everyone left shortly thereafter and Jenny continued ranting at me about how incredibly rude I was when I came back into the house. I apologized repeatedly and chose not to react in kind but she wouldn't be satisfied with my apparent contrition; so, I finally broke off the interaction and went upstairs to bed. Today, Jenny was pleasant, acting as if nothing had happened. I made scrambled eggs with ham and cheddar cheese for breakfast which we both enjoyed. As I dropped her off, we exchanged a few words in which she chalked the incident up to us both being intoxicated. All right, then. It's quiet and peaceful here now and Mary Lou and I are both relieved to have gotten through the holidays. I have no intention of making formal resolutions this year- I'll just keep up my to do list and strive to check off the items efficiently.