To Henry "Gut" McKee, USA Vietnam vet

As you know, Henry, I spent many years providing psychological care to veterans, believing I should do my part to make our system of government work for those like you, a proud combat veteran of the 1st Cavalry Division, who've given the most to our country. It didn't matter to me if the vets were Army, Navy, USAF, USMC or CG,  black, white, Asian or Hispanic, liberal or conservative, Christian, Jews, Muslims or atheist. It mattered to me they had served the USA honorably by doing as our country trained and ordered them to do. Ironically, because of my liberal political beliefs, there are those who would accuse me of hating our country and wanting to destroy it. In reality, I have been and will always be committed to seeking that "more perfect union" led by what Lincoln called "our better angels." 🇺🇸💕💯‼

Human inventions

The concept of ownership and the invention of money have both organized human society and threaten to destroy it.

Frogs

Dream fragment- I'm in bed in my iconic bedroom at my parents' house in Athens. The room is larger and a long flatscreen tv is showing a religious service. The scene resembles the glitzy show at a megachurch except it doesn't appear to be Christian. A big ensemble on stage is dressed in garish green and gold outfits. I notice a man holding a trumpet on the left of center. In front of these people, a line of women in simple robes sways back and forth in unison singing "Give us back our Promised Land" in a mournful minor key. I think they may be Muslims referring to Palestine. I get up to try to turn off the bizarre program (not because it's Muslim but because it's uncomfortably trashy) and realize there are small live frogs on the floor. I notice more and more frogs, some the size of bullfrogs. I'm not afraid or disgusted but I wonder how they got in. I think the back door isn't secure, a recurring element of my dreams about the house and my parents.

Deadly competition

We humans have a strong tendency toward loyalty to our group rather than our species. Competition between groups of all sizes, often deadly, has been a fundamental dynamic of our success in organizing and thriving- aggression has repeatedly proven to have survival value. The check on a group's power has always been the power of competitor groups. This has held true throughout human history from the smallest hunter-gatherer bands to families to social cliques and neighborhoods to schools, businesses, ethnic groups, cities, political parties and superpowers. My question: Will aggressive loyalty to group further the interests of Homo sapiens moving forward?

Comment about love

Love is manifested more in intention and action than in feeling and much of the emotion people call love is actually something else- attraction, desire, attachment, even addiction! 💜💙❤💚

Interpretation

The dream reflects aspects of my transition to retirement. I can't find my office because I won't have one. Retirement IS my new job. I'm unsure of what my mission will be. Interestingly, there's no reference to music in the dream. I need to own retirement- I don't have to work or have a formal job. The library reminds me of Morpheus World in my novel. The accumulated literature of the world is there for me to read and enjoy.

The ending could be an admonition- don't follow false leaders (conventional ideas of society) that cause me to get bogged down in the mud.

My new job (a dream)

I was starting a new job at a company in Atlanta. The company occupied a large office suite in a modern building. It conducted research projects of some kind and seemed to be a traditional male-dominated organization where the secretarial staff were all female. I'd been hired quickly without finding out exactly what they did or what I would be doing or assigned to a team or supervisor. I had a fairly spacious private office perhaps a bit larger than my room (initially I typed toom!) at TPC. I was in it getting the room organized, mostly sorting through old books and papers (much like what I'll be doing closing out our office space as I retire at the end of this month). I went out into the hall and introduced myself to some other men who worked there explaining I was a Psychologist trained to do research and didn't have an assignment yet or know anything specific about the job. The man I was speaking to nodded and said he had similar training without saying in what discipline. I told someone to let me know when they had something for me to do and was told that was fine, don't worry about it, they'd let me know. After this conversation I thought I'd go back to getting my space in order but I couldn't find my office again. It wasn't in the hall where I thought it had been and I became confused looking in different offices trying to find mine. It had to be somewhere close so I kept wandering around and I didn't ask anyone for assistance. I went in one big suite where a woman was relating the entire plot of a movie. This was very annoying but her female coworkers were listening without complaint. I hurried back into the hall to continue looking and exclaimed aloud "Jesus, thank you!" to no one in particular. People laughed and I said "You should never do that!" The halls led to what seemed to be a college library and I still couldn't find my office. Then, I went with a group of men going to lunch. We walked down the street to a muddy field where the leader (a higher ranking employee) walked out into the mud. This reminded me of boys having an adventure of dares and one upsmanship (like the Midsomer Murders episode we just watched).

The Leroy Colter Dining Hall dedication ceremony

I first learned about O'Brien House many years ago because a vet I saw was a resident there. I realized O'Brien House was doing a good job and served an important purpose providing longer term support for people in recovery who needed that  Much later I ended up serving on the board of directors. I was picked as the chairman of the committee that recruited a new director when the previous one was under some pressure for how she had been interacting with employees. My best accomplishment was helping make the transition so that people who supported the old director and those who wanted change were all satisfied with the process. I sat by the old director this morning at the dedication ceremony.

Post Surgical Status Report

FYI Post-surgical Status Report. I had the 3rd and last (hopefully) retina procedure this morning to remove the silicone oil injected in the first surgery. A part of the retina detached again during the procedure. He repaired it and injected a gas bubble that will dissolve in about 6 weeks. I will not be able to fly during that time and my vision will gradually improve as the bubble dissolves if all goes well. My prognosis is still good  I'm going to need to sit face down again for several days. Back tomorrow for a post-op check up.

Birthday eve

Tomorrow marks the completion of 67 circuits of the sun. Hard to believe but I believe it. A tropical storm borderline hurricane named Barry will make landfall by tomorrow and deposit ~20 inches of rain on Baton Rouge and surrounding areas over the weekend. I'm performing at OMG tonight and will debut an old song I wrote during Hurricane Gustav when I was stuck at home with Jenny while Mary Lou was off with Lauren at Middlebury or looking at colleges, I don't recall which.

Gustav made landfall in Louisiana September 1, 2008 (I just looked it up) and did extensive damage, knocking down thousands of tree in Baton Rouge. Between losing electricity for an extended period and Jenny being somewhat of a pill, I ended up escaping by flying out to Athens. Based on the date, Lauren and Mary Lou would in fact have been at Middlebury. Maureen was at UGA by this time, explaining why she wasn't home. Jenny had graduated from W&L and moved here to be with her dysfunctional then-boyfriend, McClain. Thank God she broke up with him and went to law school herself! She and I are getting along beautifully now- she invited me to go to London and Belgium with her in August which I happily accepted!

I do what I do

and it is what it is.

(My reaction to Bobby Daniel half-jokingly criticizing my singing on "The Morphies."

Waiting for ML @MSY

Actually,  I'm waiting at a McDonalds close to the New Orleans airport. Mary Lou was supposed to arrive at 8:48 p.m. but is now delayed a little over 2 hours.  If the information I have is correct it will be another 50 minutes before she lands. I am fairly tired but it seems OK for me to sit here in this McDonald's which is mostly empty.

This afternoon I watched Mystery Science Fiction Theater 3000: the Movie which was hilarious. It's been a strange week being at home with just myself and Jenny's cat, Manny. In the past I would have seen this as a great opportunity to focus on music in my other personal interests. However, Mary Lou it had taken my transit zone with her which left me without any for several days in about half of my adderall prescription mysteriously disappeared so that I've had to ration it out at half of a 30 mg capsule daily. That's 1/4 of my normal dosage.  The upshot of that is a low energy level as well as feeling disoriented. In truth, I missed having Mary Lou around which has become pretty much continuous since I've cut back on work and we've been getting along. I should mention Mary Lou left her iPhone at the hotel in London  where she and Jenny stayed. Her memory issues seem to be getting more noticeable but then again, so do mine.

I dreamt last night Tracey Waters was my patient in a therapy sesion. I asked what she was doing lately and she mentioned recently going to a flight show. "Are you and Creighton doing more together?" "Yes." "That's good."

Dan Morse appeared in another recent dream. He was single but happy because a woman was interested in a relationship. Then something went wrong and he was lamenting how hard life and love are.

Insomnia notes

Mary Lou is in London with Jenny, who invited her along on one of the frequent training excursions Jenny is required to take with her new job. My turn comes in another 6 weeks when Jenny and I will tour England and Belgium for 10 days.

So. here I am home alone and I've barely left the house. Am I showing my age, with my 67th birthday coming up on July 13? Or is it that somehow I have less than half the 30mg Adderall XR capsules that should be in the bottle I had refilled on June 11? On top of that, Mary Lou took most of the trazadone I had on hand without bothering to get her own prescription refilled. That was a pretty thoughtless thing to do, given my inability to sleep more than a few hours nightly without it. I worry that she's developing some form of dementia.

She was appropriately apologetic when I apprised her of the situation and she promised to get in touch with Dr. Brandt's office to get a refill. Her prescription it turns out had no more but it's easy enough to message Brandt via their MyChart web page. However, earlier today (i.e.  Monday) CVS did not have a refill and I don't know what Mary Lou actually did. What I know is it's 12:27am and I'm awake and alert. A good time to catch up a little on my "hiding in plain sight" blog.

My life is not normal in a good way. I'm financially secure, basically healthy, and I play guitar and sing better than ever. I'm not overly invested in my ego/identity- I've come to an understanding that gives me "freedom with a little fear (Stevie Nicks)." But not much. I see myself as a process, as a part of a species in the Animal Kingdom. I recognize the universe does not revolve around me or my species. I have reverence and awe for the mystery of it all. I have faith in the inscrutable, transcendent higher power that must be behind all of this. I'm mostly not afraid that the fundamentalists will turn out to be right and I'll end up in Hell for all eternity. I mostly expect not to exist as a conscious being following my demise but I'm open to whatever the truth turns out to be. One of my biggest issues is that as I enter the phase of life where my body and functionality are beginning to diminish, almost no one I'm close to understands human existence as well as I do, no one, it seems, has the mental freedom I enjoy. As Randy Newman says, "It's lonely at the top." (haha) "I want to sail the declining sky" and who will sail along with me? But I'm not complaining. My inner freedom was hard won.