Second to the last phase?

The thought crossed my mind this morning that maybe I'm in the last phase of my life, that I've done what I came here to do, that I'm wrapping things up. Then  I thought, No, I am wrapping things up (or at least I want to, in the sense of leaving my records and mementos in order) but that's the second to the last phase. The last phase is when there's nothing left to do. And I'm dragging my feet on this phase. 

Recovering from the Super Bowl

I've had somewhat of a Matthew Stafford obsession ever since he committed to play QB for the University of Georgia back in 2006. Jenny and I saw shine with the Dawgs against Hawaii at the 2008 Sugar Bowl. I followed his professional career with the Detroit Lion closely and got to see him excel once again in the Super Dome against the Saints in 2015, this time with Cody and Maureen. The Lions years were perennially frustrating as the team only made the playoffs three times and lost each time in the first round, Still, I admired Stafford's toughness and positive attitude, his many clutch performances in 4th quarter drives with the game on the line, and his generous giving of time and money to the Detroit community. 

I believed that Stafford was underrated as a franchise quarterback in the world of sports narratives.  Everyone agreed he had exceptional talent as a passer and other pros, especially those who were or had been teammates, extolled his virtues; but, despite having approaching the all-time Top 10 QBs in passing yards, many media pundits promulgated the idea that he was a "stat padder" who wasn't able to win "big games" and propel his teams to playoff success. Legions of casual fans bought into the negative narrative. Others, including many Lions fans, opined that he was held back by playing for Detroit, one of the historically least successful NFL franchises and a small media market where star athletes operate in relative obscurity.

Then, a year ago Stafford asked to be traded to a competitive team. The Lions management agreed and he was traded to the Los Angeles Rams in exchange for LA QB Jared Goff and a handful of high draft picks. The Rams reached the Super Bowl in 2017 with Goff, like Stafford a #1 NFL draft pick, but lost handily and regressed afterwards. The Rams are a star-studded team that, besides drafting Aaron Donald and Cooper Kupp, two of the best at their positions, has gone "all in" on signing great players as they've become available but many questioned the wisdom of the Rams front office making this move, asserting Stafford significantly better than Goff. If Stafford didn't lead the Rams to a Super Bowl win and not just an appearance, it was argued, the trade wasn't worth it. 

To summarize the results, the Rams went 12-5 in the regular season, won the NFC West Division over two other playoff teams (San Francisco and Arizona) and were the 4th seeded NFC team going into the postseason. This included losing twice to the 49ers and splitting two games with the Cardinals. OK, but Stafford had never won a playoff game. 

In the Wild Card round, the Rams crushed Arizona for Stafford's first playoff win. Facing defending champion Tampa Bay led by consensus GOAT Tom Brady on the road in the Divisional round, Stafford led a game winning drive with 37 seconds remaining after his team lost 3 fumbles and a botched shotgun snap, none of them Stafford's doing, and the Bucs had tied the score. The Rams now faced San Fransisco, a team that physically dominated them in the regular season, for the 3rd time in the NFC Championship game. This time, the Rams flipped the script and Stafford led another game winning 4th quarter drive before the powerful Rams defense forced 49ers QB Jimmy Garoppolo into a desperation interception as time ran out. 

In his first season with the Rams Stafford had equalled Goff's greatest success. Now, could he win the truly Big One going up against the Cincinnati Bengals and their shiny new kid on the block, media darling Joe Burrow of LSU fame, another #1 draft choice. Joe Cool is a special talent and budding NFL superstar behind whom the Bengals went from a dismal record of 4-11-1 in the AFC North (good for last place) to a division winning 10-7 and a Wild Card berth.  To the surprise of everyone except perhaps themselves, the Bengals reeled off three straight playoff wins (defeating Oakland, Tennessee and Kansas City) to land themselves in the Super Bowl against the Rams. On paper, the Rams were a better team but many observers believed Burrow had some special "it factor" that Stafford lacked. Las Vegas liked the Rams by 4 points yet many pundits predicted a Bengals win. 

As for me, I indulged in uncounted hours and days of articles, videos, podcasts, Tweets, and Sirius-XM talk shows focused on the game. An objective analysis said the Rams would win fairly easily due to a number of factors. The www.fivethirtyeight.com NFL forecast agreed and predicted the Rams would win 2 out of 3 times. And so it came to pass, despite adversity that emerged in the game, Stafford once more led a go ahead drive culminating in a 1-yard TD pass to Kupp that left under 2 minutes on the clock; and, Aaron Donald once more got to Joe Burrow, forcing a desperation incompletion to seal the game. 

Stafford had answered the critics and I was happy for him. Yesterday (postgame Monday), I was mentally fatigued all day. Today I'm hoping the wrap up the process of digesting the journey. Tomorrow, I have yet another opportunity to engage meaningfully in my life.

Pressure is a privilege (LA Rams mantra)

I heard this quote from Matthew Stafford and then other Rams players and it made me think. My currently life is free of significant external pressure.  That wasn't the case for most of my life but since retiring in July 2019, there's very little I absolutely have to do in order to maintain survival and stability. The pressure I do feel is self-generated, centering around the question What will I do with myself? 

Yet another one

After going back to sleep this morning, I had another dream about wandering around in a hotel trying to find my room. This one took place in an older urban hotel where I was staying with Mary Lou. For some reason, I took the elevator down to the ground floor by myself before decided to go back to the room. It seemed like there was no longer an elevator entrance on that floor, so I started walking around looking for another one. I took some stairs to the second floor where I saw what I took to be a freight elevator. I wasn't sure if it was OK for me to take it, so I kept looking. One door I went to led to the parking garage. I came back into an open room that was like a ballroom or possibly a sports court. I don't remember talking to anyone or seeking help- I just kept wandering around. Unlike the last one with this theme, I didn't feel particularly anxious, just a little confused. That's all I recall right now.

I've had a number of noteworthy dreams in the past week or so that I thought about but didn't try to write down. In one, Mary Lou and I ended up beneath a bridge to nowhere beside a creek. I cautioned her to watch out fort quicksand upon which she immediately stepped into a water filled hole and disappeared. No bubbles came up. I was stunned and afraid she would drown as I thought what I should do. I was preparing to stick my upper body into the water to try to reach her when I awoke. In another dream, I was at my parents' house in Athens with some friends. We still owned the house. I asked about Mom who was in frail health and someone said she was in Oconee ? which I took to be a nursing care or rehab facility. I commented to someone we would probably sell the house within a month or two. We had somewhere to go, possibly a band gig, and I decided to take a quick shower, However, I discovered that Megan T was in the shower which infuriated me. I started ranting about this affront and demanding she go away. Then, it seems like I relented a bit and thought maybe I was being too harsh.