Badly enough (original version posted 5 years ago on a Tumblr blog)

There’s a reason I need to be by myself.

The problem with me is
I see too much.

You don’t want to know what I see.

The problem with us is
when we start talking.
Then distortions and projections,
covers-up and deflections
come out of hiding,
encounter the truth,

and commence conflagrating,

like gasoline vapors encountering a match.

The problem with me is
I wanted to understand too much.

I asked too many questions,

and kept asking them

until I arrived at answers.

“Knock and the door will be opened.”

I bought into that.

I found out,

the truth is generous,

the truth gives itself

to anyone who wants to know it

badly enough.

The problem with most people is
they don’t want to know.

They want to know enough to know

they don’t need to know any more.

The problem is they don’t want to know

badly enough

to keep asking the questions.

The problem with me is
I kept knocking
until the door opened
and I got answers.

I didn’t get them because I’m better than they are.

I got them because the truth is generous

and I wanted to know

badly enough.

The problem with me is
I can’t help it any more,

I can’t unknow what I know,

I can't not see what I see.

So stay away.

Don’t talk to me.

Don’t ask questions.

The problem with me is
you don’t want to know what I see.

You don’t want to burst into flames.