Eleven days later

Several of my favorite people on Facebook, Tracy, Laura, Ellen C., the ones who come to mind are all women, suffer from insomnia. I've been taking trazadone at bedtime for many years and I seldom have significant episodes; but, tonight I awoke around 2:30AM EST and it's now approaching 5 and, here I am, obviously still awake since I'm typing this entry. It' s common for me to awaken between 2 and 4 but I'm usually able to fall asleep again if I get up for a little while, read the news or peruse Facebook, and eat a bowl of cereal with milk. I ran through that routine tonight. When I got back into bed, I used another reliable method, meditation by focusing on breathing and physical sensations without explicitly attempting to go to sleep. No luck this time. I observed the flow of thoughts touching on many specific people in my present and past, the world, God, the strengths and weaknesses of my invited open mike performance on Monday at the Office Lounge, the importance of surrendering to our limits of humanity (my copy of DeLillo''s novel (Zero K, I couldn't recall the correct title until I looked at it just now) is on the shaky night table by the bed in my parents' master bedroom where I sleep when in Athens), that idea for a short story I've been planning to write (about the man who gets a visit from the operator of a virtual reality simulation and learns the former is a creation of the latter). I refined the story idea and gave is a working title, Simulacrum.

I thought about why I'm having difficulty falling asleep again. Is it the fact I forgot to show up for coffee with old friend, Jan Carter, I'd been planning since running into her at a restaurant on my last visit? The awareness the clock is ticking on this visit and I need to gear up my efforts? My concerns about various girl and boy pals? Worries about whether the tendinitis in my left ring finger is ever going to be healed? The room being a little too warm and the mattress lopsided, making it hard to become fully comfortable?

I was productive yesterday, staying at home and going through executor expenses, exchanging emails with Scott Collins, sending him ledgers and annotation of the estate checking accounts at Bank of America and Athens First. I listened to the recording from Monday again and made notes on the start and stop times of each song. I watched a little of the Democratic convention, my first indulgence after having chosen not to watch any of the GOP shindig. Donna Brazile was inspirational and several minor speakers made me feel positively about Hillary and motivated to vote for her. I couldn't stomach listening to Bill, though. I read some news commentary about his speech on my phone when I first got up and was sitting in the otherwise dark bathroom patiently waiting for my bladder to activate.

The U-Box shipping container I ordered was scheduled for delivery to Mom's house yesterday (Tuesday) but they called and said it would come today (Wednesday). I've got my mental plan roughed out for how I'm going to get the packing done. I could just stay up, take some Adderall at 6AM, go for an exercise walk, get back to work. It's been so difficult for me to make myself do the work of executor. Being in Athens is like a retreat where I am free to do exactly as I wish, spending long periods of time alone at Mom's house and going out for a small number of meaningful outings with very special people.

It's now 5:30. In a short time, a few minutes, half an hour, I'll get sleepy enough to finally catch some extra Zs. When I awaken again, it will be midmorning.