Saturday, March 23, 2024

What happened when I took half of a cannabis gummi and FaceTimed a friend

1) My thought process was severely disrupted. I couldn't hold pieces of the conversation in immediate memory. As soon as a sentence or two passed by, they disappeared the next moment, taking along with them the context of the dialog. It all just went, "Poof!" Sometimes the stream would abruptly jump ahead to a later moment completely different from the last one I remembered. Obviously, I missed whatever occurred between the two moments. It was disconcerting and frustrating. But, I understood this was the effect of the Gummi and it would wear off soon eough.

2) I felt emotionally disconnected and distant from you. I couldn't follow your stream of conversation and I was concerned because I couldn't listen and respond as is normal for me. I felt I was neither contributing to the conversation nor listening effectively (which was true) and wondered why you wanted to continue talking to me. At best, I felt I was being passive and boring. 

3) I mostly felt I was coming across very strangely and it was obvious to you and would cause you concern about my mental state and want to end the conversation (which is a normal reaction if you're talking to someone who seems "off." I wanted to reassure you it was all OK. 

4) Your visual image on my phone seemed slightly distorted which also was uncomfortable. You didn't look to me like yourself. Drugs, picture quality or both?

5) I had great difficulty expressing myself when I felt the need.

6) My concern about appearing to be confused was realistic. I really was cognitively impaired. Your telling me I seemed basically OK was reassuring but very surprising. The truth is, I couldn't perceive you, me and the situation clearly. 

7) Despite all my worries, I stayed calm and I wasn't afraid of what my brain was doing. My predominant feelings were frustration and concern about how you might be perceiving me. I was amazed to hear you couldn't tell I was working with a lot of difficulty on the inside to think clearly and understand what you were saying.

8) Despite all that, I remember discussing important matters and clarifying my understanding. This was very helpful to me.

9) You're usually the vulnerable one but this time I was. Your sensitivity and concern were much appreciated. 

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