Monday, August 9, 2021

Those recurring dream themes

I remember parts of a dream or perhaps several related dreams. I will reconstruct it as one story. 

I'm visiting Athens and sleeping on a bed in the basement of our old house. I need to catch a flight back to Baton Rouge and realize it's too late for me to get to Atlanta on time. I wonder if I can move my reservation to a later flight. I speak to Mom on the phone. She is in a care facility. I ask if she's OK and she says, "Yes, I'm just waiting for the next vegetable (!)." I ask if she's watching TV and she says she is. I realize the house has been sold to a woman who has a house next door. I'm thinking I need to leave before someone discovers me and I get in trouble for trespassing; but, it seems as if family possessions including a guitar case (presumably with a guitar inside) are still in the house and need to be moved out. I then notice the wall of the house toward what would be the Massey's side is just a partition with openings to another set of rooms like an adjacent house and a number of people are looking at me with curiosity through the apertures. These include a family group and two older black women.  They don't seem angry or alarmed, just curious. I want to extricate myself from this awkward situation.

The dream feels fraught with meaning. My initial thoughts are I'm living in a past where I no longer belong but feel attached to. I have unfinished business that needs to be completed so I can move on. "Forgive us our trespasses." Do I need to resolve guilt about something? I can think of several things- feeling I let me parents down with some of my actions, taking advantage of certain girls sexually during my youth (for the record, it was all consensual). These are things from long ago and I have made amends for them to those concerned. They've all forgiven me and I've affirmed them while they were alive (which some still are). They all appreciated it and still loved me. I do feel stuck. I need to deal with all the family possessions that have come under my curatorship. I do want to move forward. I'm well aware of my mortality and no one knows how much time he has.

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